[ terror floods him once more when he feels himself being lifted, but eases when he's only placed on his cot. he finally blinks his eyes open, one of them swollen already, just as minsu speaks. ]
H-How are you so sure?
[ it sounds so certain. junsu wants to believe it.
his cellmate has a nice face. pretty, almost delicate. junsu knows better than to trust someone based on how trustworthy they look, but he has to get someone on his side here, or he'll rot in this place. ]
Most of them worked here when I first arrived. I was...different then.
[sharp and voracious. the guards would shove his tray through its little slot as fast as they could, and still the eyes that were glowing from the other end of the cell could reach the window before they were finished. minsu bit off one's thumb once...or was it his pinky?
he's ashamed of it now, the way that the guards still look at him, the way none of them respond to his attempts to be friendly. if it isn't a new guard, half of his food ends up sliding off the tray because they're still in such a hurry to pull their hand away.
but maybe seeing all of this will reassure junsu, knowing that this is his partner in here. someone who seems to like him from the very start.]
[ it's not even really funny, but it makes junsu laugh through the drying tears sticking to his eyelashes. minsu's not like he expected at all. he thought he'd be cowering for his life in his own cell. it doesn't mean he suddenly feels completely safe, but... a bit of the knot of anxiety in his stomach eases. ]
You're cute, [ he says with a last giggle, unfolding from his curled up position a little, turning his head so he can keep watching minsu. after a second, his smile fades a bit, but he looks slightly more comfortable than he did a moment ago. ]
How long have you been here?
[ he wonders how long they keep them alive. he imagines they end up executing the most dangerous ones, or whenever they need the others to behave, or when they run out of room. he's heard of too many people coming here to never walk back out. ]
[oh. he called him cute, and that makes minsu look pleased with himself. it's in the surprise in his eyes, the sheepishness of his smile. the extra little bit of color in his cheeks. nothing's made him feel that good in a long time.]
Almost a year. I used to be able to keep track in my head, but not so much since they brought me to this cell. [he points to the scratches on the wall, his own personal calendar.] I wish they'd give me chicken to celebrate it. Or at least a cake.
[he moves closer to junsu, tilting his head at his face while brushing his bangs back with the backs of his fingers. but the obvious comments about his injuries are forgotten in light of something else.]
[ how pleased minsu looks is overshadowed by his answer. almost a year. junsu thinks he'd rather die than spend a year in this place. he's trembling a little, biting the inside of his cheek so he doesn't start screaming or crying or wailing like a baby. being magic was supposed to be something he could pretend to feel better about himself, to feel more, not something that would land him stuck. trapped.
junsu closes his eyes, bruising eye stinging and swollen, the light touch too much and not enough. ]
What kind of nice? [ he whispers, weak and trembling, wanting to think and talk about anything but what's actually happening. ]
[what kind of nice...he's not sure about that. being this close to junsu stirs up things that minsu hasn't felt in months. feelings that he's stripped names from and pushed into the darkest corners of himself in an effort to forget them.
it's a tangible relief when minsu realizes how ridiculous that is. they don't put humans in this jail.
his hand resumes petting junsu's hair, trying to comfort him through his first day in prison. it's a lot, of course it is.]
Listen. They're bringing our meals around. I'm starving, what about you?
[minsu's always hungry. always. but for a moment there was a strange spike of it.]
[ he's not really sure, in all honesty. his stomach is roiling, in knots, the fear alleviated to see his cell mate isn't an immediate danger but his mind racing with all the horrible things that might happen here, he already misses the sun.
junsu opens his eyes, but he refuses to look at anything but minsu for now. he's comforting, somehow. Everything else here is gross and depressing and scary. ]
I don't want to be here, [ he whispers, even thiugh it's dumb and no one ever wants to be in jail. but it's a step to admitting something else. ] But you know what's funny? I wouldn't have anywhere to go, if I was out there.
[minsu looks sad at his confession. he forgets how awful it can be, mostly because he does want to be here. this place keeps him from hurting people. sure, he gets bored and lonely, and he never has enough to eat, but now he has someone who will hopefully help him with the first two. the last thing, well it's just a fact of life now.]
Me neither. [minsu whispers back, wrinkling his nose as he smiles at junsu. he stands, backing up until his back is against the wall. minsu lowers his eyes too, trying to look small and submissive, but the guard with the covered food trays still spends half the time in front of their cell than at any of the others.] Ah - please be more careful with his.
[minsu picks up the trays once they're delivered, relieved to find that most of the food stayed in its own little compartment.]
Oh, look. It's stew and potatoes! Junsu, look at these tiny little onions!
[he spoons one up with some gravy, holding it to junsu's lips. he's suddenly very afraid that he might fail to thrive here, wither away and leave him alone again.]
[ junsu watches all this unfold through half-lidded eyes, but he sees enough to start asking himself some questions. through the haze of his shock, his exhaustion, the down of the adrenaline from getting caught and trying desperately to be let go, he notices a few things.
he eats the onion and gravy without arguing, sitting up and taking his tray. it's not good food. it's barely passable.
but he's starved. he hasn't had a full meal in a few days, and he starts scarfing it down. ]
[he hesitates to say it, doesn't like saying it, but it's obvious already. minsu eats a little more quickly, eyes on his tray. it doesn't take him long to be done.]
I'm the only imprisoned gumiho.
[he admits what he is with it.]
I'm not the only one who's been captured. It's just that the others escaped and... [minsu trails off, casting a sideways glance at junsu.] Being eaten alive must be a terrible way to die.
[he should know, but the guards can only imagine it. fear it. look at the creature behind their bars with hatred and disgust. wondering if today is the day that he outsmarts them all, sets himself loose into the world with their family and loved ones.]
honestly, terrifying. minsu hasn't shown indication he's going to eat him, but what if he can't control it? does he know junsu isn't magic? he swallows, keeps eating normally, though now his head is full of snarling and screams and meaty things being ripped apart. ]
[not protected himself, but made safer the way that weapons are when they're locked away in a cabinet. if he doesn't think about it too much, if he just accepts his fate here with his hard bed and tiny meals, then people don't have to die.]
There's a legend...if a gumiho can make it for a thousand days without killing and eating a human, they can become human themselves. I want to make it. I want to see if it's true.
[at some point, he'd started to lean against junsu. minsu sits up straight again when he realizes it, murmuring his apology.]
[ he doesn't really mind. he likes physical contact, all the more when he's scared and sad and feeling alone. seeing no end, no exit. hopeless.
he might actually spend the rest of his life in here or die some horrible way. he finishes his food and feels sick to his stomach about it. listens to minsu instead, and wonders how they might help each other, how he might make his way into minsu's life so he never sees him as something to snack on. while keeping him safe from everything else in this place that might want to hurt him.
he leans back against him. ]
If I help you, will you... will you make sure no one here hurts me?
[there's a fondness in minsu's voice. these are the things that he's already decided - that he likes junsu, that he wants to be his friend, that he wants to protect him. maybe it's his own loneliness that helps him make these kinds of decisions so quickly.
junsu's weight is suddenly against him again, deliberately. it's new, and junsu smells good, but it doesn't stir his hunger.]
[ junsu looks at minsu at that, a bit startled. he didn't earn that sort of protection. why is minsu just offering it? it might be a trick. maybe this is how he lures in his victims. maybe this is why he had no cellmate.
why would they give him a cellmate if he just ate them, though? and minsu looks so far from a hungry, people eating monster. he just looks kind of lonely. ]
I don't know. You'd have to tell me what I can do for you. I guess to make it easier.
[minsu could be their executioner. but it's probably better if junsu doesn't consider that possibility
what could he do, though. minsu isn't about to ask him for part of his food, especially not after the way that he ate his too. it wouldn't even be enough to really make a difference anyway.]
Mmm, you're already doing it.
[minsu smiles as he realizes it. just having someone there, someone to talk to, it makes as big a difference as he thought it would.
but then he pauses. fidgets.]
Some of the prisoners in the other cells kiss sometimes.
[ this is how a lot of things have gone for him lately. when he can't pick up an odd job here and there to earn a little money, he finds someone to seduce that will offer him shelter for a night, and breakfast in the morning. sometimes it's not obvious that's what he's doing. sometimes he's as upfront about it as he can be without feeling ashamed, like he's selling himself.
he always chooses people he likes, pretty people who seem like they're looking for a good time and not someone to unleash on.
the idea of kissing minsu, of possibly doing more, in exchange for protection... it's not new. he said he would protect him anyway, but he has a hard time believing someone would do that for absolutely nothing.
minsu's got a pretty face. he's been nice so far. he scares the guards. and if he found out what he was, it might cause a lot of trouble.
but that's a problem for later. ]
You want to kiss me? [ he bites his lower lip, drags his tongue over it. makes sure to tilt his head just right, the way he knows makes his eyes look more irresistible. ]
[he's not even sure what he expected junsu's reaction to be. flat out denial, probably. disgust, maybe a little bit of anger, possibly. he could even have been afraid of minsu. it was a mistake to joke about it when those could've been the consequences. he'd just made a friend. minsu thinks of it that way already, without even being sure of how junsu feels about him.
he doesn't know what's happening right now. this isn't any of those reactions. this...this is more like - he's seen this before.]
No... [minsu shakes his head, looking like he's trying to prove his innocence after being accused of something.] I wouldn't do that to you. I won't. I just had a thought - I'm sorry, I was wrong.
[ and that's not the reaction he expected either. he deflates, strangely dejected and yet touched, relieved, at the same time. it's a rejection, and that hurts his pride, but minsu not jumping for a chance to get in his pants, minsu saying i wouldn't do that to you, it does things to his heart.
minsu's a good person. much better than a lot of people out there. ]
It's okay. I get it. [ if he were trying to seduce minsu, this is where he would lower his voice, touch his face, lean in close. ] You've been here so long. I would be going crazy, wanting people to touch me.
[ he doesn't do any of that. his words aren't sultry, they're quiet admissions. it might be his future. or maybe minsu has a few partners around the jail, people he trusts and likes. maybe junsu can make that sort of friend too, so he won't have to be touch starved.
he lifts his gaze to minsu's again. he wasn't offering only in exchange for safety. minsu really is pretty. ]
If I'd met you in some shitty bar, honey, I would've made you take me to your bed.
[minsu starts to speak and then stops. he wants to be touched, he does. he's noticed that his hunger has started to change over these many months, in ways that he couldn't quite pinpoint. junsu's words are helping to clear it up a little.
he's already touched starved. he wants junsu to kiss him and touch him. but even when junsu seemed willing, minsu couldn't believe that someone would want a monster like him touching them.
and that last statement reminds him even more of what he is, and he doesn't want to imagine meeting junsu somewhere like that, his easy smile and willingness, because minsu knows what he would've done next, how he smells so good that he might've tried to take advantage of it. it makes him blink against the tears that sting his eyes that want to fully form. he tries to think about something else - so he thinks about his curiosity.]
[ he answers right away, easily. the mood is strange between them now. junsu is exhausted. he's aching. he's scared. he cant think of anything more stressful than this situation, but he can think of a hundred people worse than minsu to be cellmates with.
that's the relief he clings to. minsu, next to him.
if he'd met him at a bar, the context would've been different. but he would have done the same as he was offering, earlier. made himself desirable, tempting. made himself perfect so minsu would have wanted to keep him around. ]
I would've been perfect and exactly what you wanted.
[anything. that sounds nice, more than nice. it makes minsu's stomach do a little flip that has nothing to do with hunger. but it sounds kind of wrong at the same time, minsu's expression a mixture of thought and confusion.]
Is that always how it works?
[it seems wrong, somehow. minsu was always trying to make himself desirable too, but for very different reasons. it wasn't real, and he doesn't know anything about how it's supposed to work when it is.]
How do you decide who's supposed to be perfect and the one that the other wants? Shouldn't it be both?
[he's starting to confuse himself now. minsu sighs and stands up, going back to his own cot, drawing his legs up onto it to appear smaller again.]
I'm glad that you like my face, though. That's nice.
[ sometimes, before. there were people in his life. that he chose because he liked them, and they liked him, and there wasn't the same weight to it, the same desperation, the same fear driving everything. he felt out of place, he wanted more, but that wasn't a crushing, terrifying thing because the world was still mostly human and safe.
after, he'd become too terrified, his desire to be more tied into that, everything he did about keeping himself safe, his worth defined by his ability to find a place to stay and magical people to befriend. usually to seduce.
minsu goes back to his cot, and junsu is hit with all the exhaustion of the day, lying down immediately and curling up again. ]
I guess it should be. I don't know anymore.
[ he looks to minsu, wanting to smile but too tired to, tugging the ratty blanket at the foot of his cot over his body. ]
It's pretty. But you seem nice, too. Nicer than most.
[or at least that's what junsu's words suggest to him. he unfolds his own blanket from the bottom his cot and covers junsu with it too. and then minsu lies down too, looking across the small distance that the cell allows them.]
I don't know anything.
[he says it with his own lips, and then laughs too. it feels true though. he's rejected almost all that he used to know, not wanting to be what he was anymore. it's left him with nothing.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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H-How are you so sure?
[ it sounds so certain. junsu wants to believe it.
his cellmate has a nice face. pretty, almost delicate. junsu knows better than to trust someone based on how trustworthy they look, but he has to get someone on his side here, or he'll rot in this place. ]
I'm — I'm Junsu.
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[sharp and voracious. the guards would shove his tray through its little slot as fast as they could, and still the eyes that were glowing from the other end of the cell could reach the window before they were finished. minsu bit off one's thumb once...or was it his pinky?
he's ashamed of it now, the way that the guards still look at him, the way none of them respond to his attempts to be friendly. if it isn't a new guard, half of his food ends up sliding off the tray because they're still in such a hurry to pull their hand away.
but maybe seeing all of this will reassure junsu, knowing that this is his partner in here. someone who seems to like him from the very start.]
Minsu! Minsu, Junsu, we're twinsus!
[wow, he really has been lonely.]
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You're cute, [ he says with a last giggle, unfolding from his curled up position a little, turning his head so he can keep watching minsu. after a second, his smile fades a bit, but he looks slightly more comfortable than he did a moment ago. ]
How long have you been here?
[ he wonders how long they keep them alive. he imagines they end up executing the most dangerous ones, or whenever they need the others to behave, or when they run out of room. he's heard of too many people coming here to never walk back out. ]
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Almost a year. I used to be able to keep track in my head, but not so much since they brought me to this cell. [he points to the scratches on the wall, his own personal calendar.] I wish they'd give me chicken to celebrate it. Or at least a cake.
[he moves closer to junsu, tilting his head at his face while brushing his bangs back with the backs of his fingers. but the obvious comments about his injuries are forgotten in light of something else.]
You smell nice...
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junsu closes his eyes, bruising eye stinging and swollen, the light touch too much and not enough. ]
What kind of nice? [ he whispers, weak and trembling, wanting to think and talk about anything but what's actually happening. ]
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it's a tangible relief when minsu realizes how ridiculous that is. they don't put humans in this jail.
his hand resumes petting junsu's hair, trying to comfort him through his first day in prison. it's a lot, of course it is.]
Listen. They're bringing our meals around. I'm starving, what about you?
[minsu's always hungry. always. but for a moment there was a strange spike of it.]
Junsu, Junsuuuu. Open your eyes.
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[ he's not really sure, in all honesty. his stomach is roiling, in knots, the fear alleviated to see his cell mate isn't an immediate danger but his mind racing with all the horrible things that might happen here, he already misses the sun.
junsu opens his eyes, but he refuses to look at anything but minsu for now. he's comforting, somehow. Everything else here is gross and depressing and scary. ]
I don't want to be here, [ he whispers, even thiugh it's dumb and no one ever wants to be in jail. but it's a step to admitting something else. ] But you know what's funny? I wouldn't have anywhere to go, if I was out there.
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Me neither. [minsu whispers back, wrinkling his nose as he smiles at junsu. he stands, backing up until his back is against the wall. minsu lowers his eyes too, trying to look small and submissive, but the guard with the covered food trays still spends half the time in front of their cell than at any of the others.] Ah - please be more careful with his.
[minsu picks up the trays once they're delivered, relieved to find that most of the food stayed in its own little compartment.]
Oh, look. It's stew and potatoes! Junsu, look at these tiny little onions!
[he spoons one up with some gravy, holding it to junsu's lips. he's suddenly very afraid that he might fail to thrive here, wither away and leave him alone again.]
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he eats the onion and gravy without arguing, sitting up and taking his tray. it's not good food. it's barely passable.
but he's starved. he hasn't had a full meal in a few days, and he starts scarfing it down. ]
Are they scared of you?
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[he hesitates to say it, doesn't like saying it, but it's obvious already. minsu eats a little more quickly, eyes on his tray. it doesn't take him long to be done.]
I'm the only imprisoned gumiho.
[he admits what he is with it.]
I'm not the only one who's been captured. It's just that the others escaped and... [minsu trails off, casting a sideways glance at junsu.] Being eaten alive must be a terrible way to die.
[he should know, but the guards can only imagine it. fear it. look at the creature behind their bars with hatred and disgust. wondering if today is the day that he outsmarts them all, sets himself loose into the world with their family and loved ones.]
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[ that's. scary.
honestly, terrifying. minsu hasn't shown indication he's going to eat him, but what if he can't control it? does he know junsu isn't magic? he swallows, keeps eating normally, though now his head is full of snarling and screams and meaty things being ripped apart. ]
Why haven't you escaped?
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[not protected himself, but made safer the way that weapons are when they're locked away in a cabinet. if he doesn't think about it too much, if he just accepts his fate here with his hard bed and tiny meals, then people don't have to die.]
There's a legend...if a gumiho can make it for a thousand days without killing and eating a human, they can become human themselves. I want to make it. I want to see if it's true.
[at some point, he'd started to lean against junsu. minsu sits up straight again when he realizes it, murmuring his apology.]
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he might actually spend the rest of his life in here or die some horrible way. he finishes his food and feels sick to his stomach about it. listens to minsu instead, and wonders how they might help each other, how he might make his way into minsu's life so he never sees him as something to snack on. while keeping him safe from everything else in this place that might want to hurt him.
he leans back against him. ]
If I help you, will you... will you make sure no one here hurts me?
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[there's a fondness in minsu's voice. these are the things that he's already decided - that he likes junsu, that he wants to be his friend, that he wants to protect him. maybe it's his own loneliness that helps him make these kinds of decisions so quickly.
junsu's weight is suddenly against him again, deliberately. it's new, and junsu smells good, but it doesn't stir his hunger.]
How would you help me though?
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why would they give him a cellmate if he just ate them, though? and minsu looks so far from a hungry, people eating monster. he just looks kind of lonely. ]
I don't know. You'd have to tell me what I can do for you. I guess to make it easier.
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what could he do, though. minsu isn't about to ask him for part of his food, especially not after the way that he ate his too. it wouldn't even be enough to really make a difference anyway.]
Mmm, you're already doing it.
[minsu smiles as he realizes it. just having someone there, someone to talk to, it makes as big a difference as he thought it would.
but then he pauses. fidgets.]
Some of the prisoners in the other cells kiss sometimes.
[yep, a little shameless in every universe.]
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he always chooses people he likes, pretty people who seem like they're looking for a good time and not someone to unleash on.
the idea of kissing minsu, of possibly doing more, in exchange for protection... it's not new. he said he would protect him anyway, but he has a hard time believing someone would do that for absolutely nothing.
minsu's got a pretty face. he's been nice so far. he scares the guards. and if he found out what he was, it might cause a lot of trouble.
but that's a problem for later. ]
You want to kiss me? [ he bites his lower lip, drags his tongue over it. makes sure to tilt his head just right, the way he knows makes his eyes look more irresistible. ]
Do you want to do more than just kiss me?
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he doesn't know what's happening right now. this isn't any of those reactions. this...this is more like - he's seen this before.]
No... [minsu shakes his head, looking like he's trying to prove his innocence after being accused of something.] I wouldn't do that to you. I won't. I just had a thought - I'm sorry, I was wrong.
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minsu's a good person. much better than a lot of people out there. ]
It's okay. I get it. [ if he were trying to seduce minsu, this is where he would lower his voice, touch his face, lean in close. ] You've been here so long. I would be going crazy, wanting people to touch me.
[ he doesn't do any of that. his words aren't sultry, they're quiet admissions. it might be his future. or maybe minsu has a few partners around the jail, people he trusts and likes. maybe junsu can make that sort of friend too, so he won't have to be touch starved.
he lifts his gaze to minsu's again. he wasn't offering only in exchange for safety. minsu really is pretty. ]
If I'd met you in some shitty bar, honey, I would've made you take me to your bed.
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[minsu starts to speak and then stops. he wants to be touched, he does. he's noticed that his hunger has started to change over these many months, in ways that he couldn't quite pinpoint. junsu's words are helping to clear it up a little.
he's already touched starved. he wants junsu to kiss him and touch him. but even when junsu seemed willing, minsu couldn't believe that someone would want a monster like him touching them.
and that last statement reminds him even more of what he is, and he doesn't want to imagine meeting junsu somewhere like that, his easy smile and willingness, because minsu knows what he would've done next, how he smells so good that he might've tried to take advantage of it. it makes him blink against the tears that sting his eyes that want to fully form. he tries to think about something else - so he thinks about his curiosity.]
What...would you have done once we got there?
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[ he answers right away, easily. the mood is strange between them now. junsu is exhausted. he's aching. he's scared. he cant think of anything more stressful than this situation, but he can think of a hundred people worse than minsu to be cellmates with.
that's the relief he clings to. minsu, next to him.
if he'd met him at a bar, the context would've been different. but he would have done the same as he was offering, earlier. made himself desirable, tempting. made himself perfect so minsu would have wanted to keep him around. ]
I would've been perfect and exactly what you wanted.
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Is that always how it works?
[it seems wrong, somehow. minsu was always trying to make himself desirable too, but for very different reasons. it wasn't real, and he doesn't know anything about how it's supposed to work when it is.]
How do you decide who's supposed to be perfect and the one that the other wants? Shouldn't it be both?
[he's starting to confuse himself now. minsu sighs and stands up, going back to his own cot, drawing his legs up onto it to appear smaller again.]
I'm glad that you like my face, though. That's nice.
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[ sometimes, before. there were people in his life. that he chose because he liked them, and they liked him, and there wasn't the same weight to it, the same desperation, the same fear driving everything. he felt out of place, he wanted more, but that wasn't a crushing, terrifying thing because the world was still mostly human and safe.
after, he'd become too terrified, his desire to be more tied into that, everything he did about keeping himself safe, his worth defined by his ability to find a place to stay and magical people to befriend. usually to seduce.
minsu goes back to his cot, and junsu is hit with all the exhaustion of the day, lying down immediately and curling up again. ]
I guess it should be. I don't know anymore.
[ he looks to minsu, wanting to smile but too tired to, tugging the ratty blanket at the foot of his cot over his body. ]
It's pretty. But you seem nice, too. Nicer than most.
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[or at least that's what junsu's words suggest to him. he unfolds his own blanket from the bottom his cot and covers junsu with it too. and then minsu lies down too, looking across the small distance that the cell allows them.]
I don't know anything.
[he says it with his own lips, and then laughs too. it feels true though. he's rejected almost all that he used to know, not wanting to be what he was anymore. it's left him with nothing.]
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[ he's a bit surprised to hear that. though maybe it's a more general thing, since he's laughing. ]
You know some things. You know you could become human.
[ which makes him think, now without the haze and confusion of arriving here... why? ]
Why do you want to be human? They're weak.
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