[he pouts with his response, making it all the more like the comeback of a child. it's the first time he's actually be question about it. but it's also the first time he ever told someone about his dream.]
Maybe they're not as strong, and they can't fly or breathe fire. But they can make hamburgers! And write songs. They made special days to eat and give each other gifts. They celebrate the day that they were born - not just themselves, but everyone around them celebrates it too! I don't even know what day I was born.
[minsu grows quiet for a moment, and a little bit of color starts creeping into his face.]
And have you see their babies? [minsu flops onto his back, one arm pillowed under his head.] One of the guards was showing another one a picture of his baby. I could see it over their shoulders. It looked so happy and fat! I really want to smell a baby!
[junsu probably needs to know him a little better for this to not sound weird.]
[ minsu's version of humans is... idealistic, almost childish. kind of cute and sweet, but also so far from what's important. it's surface stuff. and a little confusing, regarding babies. wouldn't he want to eat it?
but if he can't tell junsu's not magical, maybe it's not a smell thing.
he looks at minsu, blankets tucked up to his chin. ]
[junsu's scent does confuse him. but maybe some creatures still smell like humans. maybe it's like camouflage, or maybe their scent only changes when they're using their powers or - he doesn't know. he just doesn't suspect that anyone would lie about it, especially not when it lands them here.]
Well... [that question must confuse him too, because minsu looks like he's not quite sure how to answer it.] I guess I first started hanging around them about a thousand years ago.
[and he knows it might sound like such a long time, but it's hard to explain why he didn't actually learn much over those centuries. how it's been less than a year since he's really started trying to, but with limited contact.]
[ he has to remind himself that if he's not human, a thousand years shouldn't be as shocking as they feel. he's wide awake again, trying to wrap his mind around a thousand years of life. he's so exhausted after 30. he can't imagine.
it doesn't explain minsus strange... everything, like not knowing it's a bit creepy to say you want to sniff a human baby that isn't yours.
But he probably didn't hang out with humans to befriend them, did he. A thousand years, how many dead is that? He swallows hard. ]
That's a long time... and you, uh, you didn't want to be human anytime before that?
[minsu's not cold, but the question makes him curl up, like he's trying to make himself smaller the way that junsu did earlier.]
I didn't want anything except-
[to eat. he doesn't even like saying the words anymore, not in this context. even if minsu realizes that he doesn't have a right to feel uncomfortable about it. they were his own actions after all.]
It hurt my pride when they caught me. My plan was...well I was going to get even with all of them before I broke out. But the longer I stayed in here, the more it felt like a fog was lifting from me. Maybe more like a shadow. And then I found out about the legend of a thousand days.
[ junsu swallows hard. it could all be a lie. god knows some magical beings, especially the predator type, like to lie to lure in victims. he has no reason to think they'd put someone in a cell with minsu if he'd killed all his previous cellmates, though. they probably would have killed him first.
and he sounds genuine, looks genuine. he's curling up like he doesn't like thinking or talking about this. what he used to do. ]
This might be... [ he doesn't want to sound insensitive. ] It helps you to achieve that, being here, doesn't it?
[minsu says what he assumes junsu is thinking, because it's true. it's what he also believes. he looks at junsu for a moment, eyes shining in the darkness. there's something else that he thinks.]
[ junsu doesn't react, but on the inside, he feels frozen. what if minsu can tell he's lying, and has been lying about that? what if he tells the guards, they're not going to believe him, they're going to beat him... what if he eats him? ]
[that's what minsu sees. and while he has noticed how very, very human junsu smells, it's that goodness that would make it less surprising if he knew the truth, if he heard it from junsu's own lips.]
Whatever they think you did, you either didn't do it, or you did it for a very good reason. You shouldn't be here.
[ so it's not about him being human. his heart rate calms down a little. ]
You don't have to do much to end up here nowadays.
[ depends on the accusation, on who tattled, on who saw you, who caught you and arrested you. junsu doesn't even know what was said. he doesn't even know what he's charged with. for all he knows it could just be existing while being a magical person.
but he isn't even that. he'd just gotten so good at lying about it. maybe he'd bragged too loudly, wanting to be heard, seen, included.
[minsu frowns at that. he wants to be a comfort, but he also doesn't know what to say. so he stays quiet, at least allowing junsu the chance to sleep, or at least to rest if he can't. morning comes first, and then breakfast, and minsu repeats the same ritual from the night before while they're delivering their breakfast.
he collects the trays then, sitting down beside junsu on his bunk.]
They'll be coming to take you out to the exercise yard in a couple of hours. [minsu shoves an entire potato in his mouth, glancing towards the cell door.] The fences around it are electrified...except for one part of it. I can hear the hum from the window, but not from that section. They must not realize that something's wrong with it yet.
[ junsu looks up sharply from his unappetizing meal, looking tired and worn and feeling gross and greasy. the yard sounds nice, but it's the fence thing that has him staring at minsu.
is he giving him an escape? could it really be this easy? ]
[minsu gives him a smile and an encouraging little nod. but junsu probably needs more than that to risk his one shot at escape. hell, to risk his safety if minsu's wrong. the fox has seen prisoners run at the fence out of desperation, the way their bodies twitch from the electric shock.]
I've been...tempted.
[he looks down, humbled, like he's confessing to a priest.]
If they took me out of my cell, I would probably be on the other side of it by now.
[ junsu's mind is going a mile an hour. he closes his eyes, frowning and thinking. if he tries and gets caught, his sentence will -- well, it's not like he has an actual sentence. the world is still being pieced back together, and laws aren't what they were. neither is justice.
so they could already keep him here forever. it wouldn't really make much of a difference. even if he's terrified.
he looks up, finds minsu's eyes. he keeps his voice quiet, barely above a whisper. ]
If you want to get out... and I use it and it works, they'll fix it. And you won't get to escape.
[ that won't do. junsu would be indebted to minsu for life, and unable to repay him. ]
[it's okay. it's better if he stays where he is. this is a better place for him. if he can help someone as good as junsu escape the hell that is this prison, maybe it's the tiniest bit of penance towards the things he's done.
minsu opens his mouth to say all of these things. he wants junsu to escape and be happy, even if the loneliness will be a thousand times harder to bear even after such a short time knowing him.
but junsu says that he wants them to plan together, and there's such a longing in minsu's heart that the quickened pace of it drowns out his protests. he blinks at the sound of the guards approaching, hearing them before junsu does and moving away from him.]
They're coming to take you outside. I won't be mad if you change your mind!
[what right would minsu or anyone have to blame him. he watches as the men escort junsu out of the cell, and then out of the building, and goes over to the small window to watch him.]
[ junsu doesn't know what to do. he's terrified. he thought he'd been scared before but it's nothing like this, being out in the courtyard with magical people of all kinds, strengths and powers of all kinds, and him, weak and helpless and stuck, face swollen and bruised, feeling small.
where would he go if he escaped? where would he hide? he has nothing, no one, nowhere. he wouldn't even have anywhere to sleep unless he found someone to charm in a bar, and he's not going to do so in a prison outfit and a black eye.
he wants to glance up and see if minsu's at the window, but he also doesn't want to risk it. his heart hammers in his chest as he starts walking, trying to appear casual and aimless, but wandering toward the area minsu pointed out. he can't test it, and he doesn't want to linger in that spot longer than necessary so as to not draw attention to it. but he walks by. tries to look, listen. he notices a dandelion growing at the foot of the fence, outside the prison. he walks past it.
he's too scared, even if he could escape this way. it's daylight, and everyone else might turn against him in the yard and try to go after him. if he's seen, they'd all rush here to get out first, and he would be the first to die in the ensuing chaos.
so no. he's not escaping. he'll do it with minsu. they'll plan ahead.
he wanders back toward the picnic tables and sits down and lets the sun shine over his head and does his very best not to cry. when he's taken back to his cell, he doesn't say anything, sitting on his bunk. ]
[minsu is aware of the others in the yard, who and what each one is. but his eyes never stray from junsu. he'll make it if he just goes fr it.
and he's going to do it. minsu watches him approach that spot, casual to any eyes but minsu's he grips the bars until his knuckles turn white, bites down on his bottom lip until he tastes blood.
and then junsu keeps walking, and sits down, and minsu's heart leaps and then sinks, guilt weighing his happiness down. he's quiet too when he's brought back, tilting his head at him before moving to sit beside him.]
[ which is only part of the truth. he would feel like he owes minsu his life if he just went, and he would have no way to repay him. so it's not a lie.
but the rest is harder to say. he wants to, though. minsu has been honest and forthright with him, so junsu will do the same. mostly. there are things he can't yet say. ]
And I'm — I'm scared. I don't have anything out there. I'm scared they'd catch me before I got far.
[minsu starts shaking his head, lowering his eyes. it's not his. it can't be his. it's better if the temptation is removed from him completely.
but then junsu says that he's scared, talks about having nothing. that's a feeling that minsu knows well. and knowing the guards here, they really might catch him, and things would be so much worse for junsu after they hurt him again. minsu doesn't think he could stand that.]
Okay. [as soon as he whispers it, minsu realizes how much he wants to be out. he wants to eat different things besides the same five meals they always rotate. he wants to eat as much as he can instead of only what's served on those tin trays. he wants to watch the show that the guard down the hall watches for himself, instead of just listening to it. but most of all, he wants to be with junsu, and protect him.] Get some sleep, ok? You should be rested up first. [minsu lies down, but he does it on junsu's cot, smiling almost shyly.] The guards won't bother you this way. And I won't either, I promise.
[ there's only a little bit of hesitation in his features when minsu lies down with him. he trusts him. somehow, he trusts him, when he should be so much more afraid, when he has every reason to stay away from someone that could eat him if he knew what he was.
but minsu doesn't want to eat people anymore. and he hasn't shown sign that he sees junsu as anything but a person who should be out of these walls.
no one should be in these walls, really. except the guards. junsu swallows and nods, shifting a bit closer. part of him wants to kiss minsu. a thank you for his protection, a thank you for telling him how to get out, a thank you for agreeing to go with him. he can't tell if it's because he feels he should owe him this and more in return or because he just wants to. it's been a long time since he's been able to tell the difference. ]
Sorry, [ he mumbles when his leg touches minsu's. there isnt a lot of room on the cot. ] Don't fall off. It's okay if you — [ he tugs at his shirt. it's okay if he stays close. ]
[quietly. it's been a long time since he's been this close to someone. it's hard to imagine the violence that used to follow in the past, almost impossible. he doesn't want to imagine it. all he wants is to absorb everything that is junsu through his five senses.
minsu blinks in the darkness as junsu tugs at his shirt. he gets his meaning, and it makes him feel strangely warm. slowly, he slides his arms around him, but the embrace is loose at first, but slowly wraps around junsu tighter.]
[ junsu's breathing hitches, but he doesn't freeze or move away. it's kind of nice, actually. it's warm. he wonders if they'd get in trouble found like this, tangled up. remembers the guards are scared of minsu. ]
Yeah. Usually.
[ even more so in this place, where his very insides feel gold.
he shifts close, nose against minsu's collarbone. ]
Yes. Summers in here are the worst. I stay naked most of the time. It seems to really bother the guards.
[there's a smile in his voice. he's not making that up though. minsu's hand slides along junsu's back. this feeling is good. having someone this close is nice, minsu likes it.]
Anyway, you won't be able to get to sleep if we keep talking.
[ junsu giggles at that. he can kind of imagine it. even if it's not funny that the guards are that bothered by it. at least it was another reason they left him alone. it seems like the better alternative than having them on you all the time. his face still aches.
he hums, closing his eyes. ]
Okay. [ he's comfortable. he didn't think he'd ever feel comfortable again, but he's comfortable right now, as he drifts off to sleep, resting fully. ]
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[ he's a bit surprised to hear that. though maybe it's a more general thing, since he's laughing. ]
You know some things. You know you could become human.
[ which makes him think, now without the haze and confusion of arriving here... why? ]
Why do you want to be human? They're weak.
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[he pouts with his response, making it all the more like the comeback of a child. it's the first time he's actually be question about it. but it's also the first time he ever told someone about his dream.]
Maybe they're not as strong, and they can't fly or breathe fire. But they can make hamburgers! And write songs. They made special days to eat and give each other gifts. They celebrate the day that they were born - not just themselves, but everyone around them celebrates it too! I don't even know what day I was born.
[minsu grows quiet for a moment, and a little bit of color starts creeping into his face.]
And have you see their babies? [minsu flops onto his back, one arm pillowed under his head.] One of the guards was showing another one a picture of his baby. I could see it over their shoulders. It looked so happy and fat! I really want to smell a baby!
[junsu probably needs to know him a little better for this to not sound weird.]
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but if he can't tell junsu's not magical, maybe it's not a smell thing.
he looks at minsu, blankets tucked up to his chin. ]
How long have you been around humans?
[ it can't have been long. there's no way. ]
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Well... [that question must confuse him too, because minsu looks like he's not quite sure how to answer it.] I guess I first started hanging around them about a thousand years ago.
[and he knows it might sound like such a long time, but it's hard to explain why he didn't actually learn much over those centuries. how it's been less than a year since he's really started trying to, but with limited contact.]
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it doesn't explain minsus strange... everything, like not knowing it's a bit creepy to say you want to sniff a human baby that isn't yours.
But he probably didn't hang out with humans to befriend them, did he. A thousand years, how many dead is that? He swallows hard. ]
That's a long time... and you, uh, you didn't want to be human anytime before that?
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I didn't want anything except-
[to eat. he doesn't even like saying the words anymore, not in this context. even if minsu realizes that he doesn't have a right to feel uncomfortable about it. they were his own actions after all.]
It hurt my pride when they caught me. My plan was...well I was going to get even with all of them before I broke out. But the longer I stayed in here, the more it felt like a fog was lifting from me. Maybe more like a shadow. And then I found out about the legend of a thousand days.
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and he sounds genuine, looks genuine. he's curling up like he doesn't like thinking or talking about this. what he used to do. ]
This might be... [ he doesn't want to sound insensitive. ] It helps you to achieve that, being here, doesn't it?
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[minsu says what he assumes junsu is thinking, because it's true. it's what he also believes. he looks at junsu for a moment, eyes shining in the darkness. there's something else that he thinks.]
But you don't, do you.
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What do you mean?
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[that's what minsu sees. and while he has noticed how very, very human junsu smells, it's that goodness that would make it less surprising if he knew the truth, if he heard it from junsu's own lips.]
Whatever they think you did, you either didn't do it, or you did it for a very good reason. You shouldn't be here.
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You don't have to do much to end up here nowadays.
[ depends on the accusation, on who tattled, on who saw you, who caught you and arrested you. junsu doesn't even know what was said. he doesn't even know what he's charged with. for all he knows it could just be existing while being a magical person.
but he isn't even that. he'd just gotten so good at lying about it. maybe he'd bragged too loudly, wanting to be heard, seen, included.
it was his own fault. ]
I should've been more careful.
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he collects the trays then, sitting down beside junsu on his bunk.]
They'll be coming to take you out to the exercise yard in a couple of hours. [minsu shoves an entire potato in his mouth, glancing towards the cell door.] The fences around it are electrified...except for one part of it. I can hear the hum from the window, but not from that section. They must not realize that something's wrong with it yet.
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is he giving him an escape? could it really be this easy? ]
Are you... are you sure?
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[minsu gives him a smile and an encouraging little nod. but junsu probably needs more than that to risk his one shot at escape. hell, to risk his safety if minsu's wrong. the fox has seen prisoners run at the fence out of desperation, the way their bodies twitch from the electric shock.]
I've been...tempted.
[he looks down, humbled, like he's confessing to a priest.]
If they took me out of my cell, I would probably be on the other side of it by now.
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so they could already keep him here forever. it wouldn't really make much of a difference. even if he's terrified.
he looks up, finds minsu's eyes. he keeps his voice quiet, barely above a whisper. ]
If you want to get out... and I use it and it works, they'll fix it. And you won't get to escape.
[ that won't do. junsu would be indebted to minsu for life, and unable to repay him. ]
We can plan together.
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minsu opens his mouth to say all of these things. he wants junsu to escape and be happy, even if the loneliness will be a thousand times harder to bear even after such a short time knowing him.
but junsu says that he wants them to plan together, and there's such a longing in minsu's heart that the quickened pace of it drowns out his protests. he blinks at the sound of the guards approaching, hearing them before junsu does and moving away from him.]
They're coming to take you outside. I won't be mad if you change your mind!
[what right would minsu or anyone have to blame him. he watches as the men escort junsu out of the cell, and then out of the building, and goes over to the small window to watch him.]
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where would he go if he escaped? where would he hide? he has nothing, no one, nowhere. he wouldn't even have anywhere to sleep unless he found someone to charm in a bar, and he's not going to do so in a prison outfit and a black eye.
he wants to glance up and see if minsu's at the window, but he also doesn't want to risk it. his heart hammers in his chest as he starts walking, trying to appear casual and aimless, but wandering toward the area minsu pointed out. he can't test it, and he doesn't want to linger in that spot longer than necessary so as to not draw attention to it. but he walks by. tries to look, listen. he notices a dandelion growing at the foot of the fence, outside the prison. he walks past it.
he's too scared, even if he could escape this way. it's daylight, and everyone else might turn against him in the yard and try to go after him. if he's seen, they'd all rush here to get out first, and he would be the first to die in the ensuing chaos.
so no. he's not escaping. he'll do it with minsu. they'll plan ahead.
he wanders back toward the picnic tables and sits down and lets the sun shine over his head and does his very best not to cry. when he's taken back to his cell, he doesn't say anything, sitting on his bunk. ]
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and he's going to do it. minsu watches him approach that spot, casual to any eyes but minsu's he grips the bars until his knuckles turn white, bites down on his bottom lip until he tastes blood.
and then junsu keeps walking, and sits down, and minsu's heart leaps and then sinks, guilt weighing his happiness down. he's quiet too when he's brought back, tilting his head at him before moving to sit beside him.]
Why?
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[ which is only part of the truth. he would feel like he owes minsu his life if he just went, and he would have no way to repay him. so it's not a lie.
but the rest is harder to say. he wants to, though. minsu has been honest and forthright with him, so junsu will do the same. mostly. there are things he can't yet say. ]
And I'm — I'm scared. I don't have anything out there. I'm scared they'd catch me before I got far.
[ he breathes out, slow and measured. ]
We should do it together.
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but then junsu says that he's scared, talks about having nothing. that's a feeling that minsu knows well. and knowing the guards here, they really might catch him, and things would be so much worse for junsu after they hurt him again. minsu doesn't think he could stand that.]
Okay. [as soon as he whispers it, minsu realizes how much he wants to be out. he wants to eat different things besides the same five meals they always rotate. he wants to eat as much as he can instead of only what's served on those tin trays. he wants to watch the show that the guard down the hall watches for himself, instead of just listening to it. but most of all, he wants to be with junsu, and protect him.] Get some sleep, ok? You should be rested up first. [minsu lies down, but he does it on junsu's cot, smiling almost shyly.] The guards won't bother you this way. And I won't either, I promise.
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but minsu doesn't want to eat people anymore. and he hasn't shown sign that he sees junsu as anything but a person who should be out of these walls.
no one should be in these walls, really. except the guards. junsu swallows and nods, shifting a bit closer. part of him wants to kiss minsu. a thank you for his protection, a thank you for telling him how to get out, a thank you for agreeing to go with him. he can't tell if it's because he feels he should owe him this and more in return or because he just wants to. it's been a long time since he's been able to tell the difference. ]
Sorry, [ he mumbles when his leg touches minsu's. there isnt a lot of room on the cot. ] Don't fall off. It's okay if you — [ he tugs at his shirt. it's okay if he stays close. ]
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[quietly. it's been a long time since he's been this close to someone. it's hard to imagine the violence that used to follow in the past, almost impossible. he doesn't want to imagine it. all he wants is to absorb everything that is junsu through his five senses.
minsu blinks in the darkness as junsu tugs at his shirt. he gets his meaning, and it makes him feel strangely warm. slowly, he slides his arms around him, but the embrace is loose at first, but slowly wraps around junsu tighter.]
Are you always this cold?
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Yeah. Usually.
[ even more so in this place, where his very insides feel gold.
he shifts close, nose against minsu's collarbone. ]
Are you always this warm?
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[there's a smile in his voice. he's not making that up though. minsu's hand slides along junsu's back. this feeling is good. having someone this close is nice, minsu likes it.]
Anyway, you won't be able to get to sleep if we keep talking.
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he hums, closing his eyes. ]
Okay. [ he's comfortable. he didn't think he'd ever feel comfortable again, but he's comfortable right now, as he drifts off to sleep, resting fully. ]
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