[ junsu doesn't know what to do. he's terrified. he thought he'd been scared before but it's nothing like this, being out in the courtyard with magical people of all kinds, strengths and powers of all kinds, and him, weak and helpless and stuck, face swollen and bruised, feeling small.
where would he go if he escaped? where would he hide? he has nothing, no one, nowhere. he wouldn't even have anywhere to sleep unless he found someone to charm in a bar, and he's not going to do so in a prison outfit and a black eye.
he wants to glance up and see if minsu's at the window, but he also doesn't want to risk it. his heart hammers in his chest as he starts walking, trying to appear casual and aimless, but wandering toward the area minsu pointed out. he can't test it, and he doesn't want to linger in that spot longer than necessary so as to not draw attention to it. but he walks by. tries to look, listen. he notices a dandelion growing at the foot of the fence, outside the prison. he walks past it.
he's too scared, even if he could escape this way. it's daylight, and everyone else might turn against him in the yard and try to go after him. if he's seen, they'd all rush here to get out first, and he would be the first to die in the ensuing chaos.
so no. he's not escaping. he'll do it with minsu. they'll plan ahead.
he wanders back toward the picnic tables and sits down and lets the sun shine over his head and does his very best not to cry. when he's taken back to his cell, he doesn't say anything, sitting on his bunk. ]
[minsu is aware of the others in the yard, who and what each one is. but his eyes never stray from junsu. he'll make it if he just goes fr it.
and he's going to do it. minsu watches him approach that spot, casual to any eyes but minsu's he grips the bars until his knuckles turn white, bites down on his bottom lip until he tastes blood.
and then junsu keeps walking, and sits down, and minsu's heart leaps and then sinks, guilt weighing his happiness down. he's quiet too when he's brought back, tilting his head at him before moving to sit beside him.]
[ which is only part of the truth. he would feel like he owes minsu his life if he just went, and he would have no way to repay him. so it's not a lie.
but the rest is harder to say. he wants to, though. minsu has been honest and forthright with him, so junsu will do the same. mostly. there are things he can't yet say. ]
And I'm — I'm scared. I don't have anything out there. I'm scared they'd catch me before I got far.
[minsu starts shaking his head, lowering his eyes. it's not his. it can't be his. it's better if the temptation is removed from him completely.
but then junsu says that he's scared, talks about having nothing. that's a feeling that minsu knows well. and knowing the guards here, they really might catch him, and things would be so much worse for junsu after they hurt him again. minsu doesn't think he could stand that.]
Okay. [as soon as he whispers it, minsu realizes how much he wants to be out. he wants to eat different things besides the same five meals they always rotate. he wants to eat as much as he can instead of only what's served on those tin trays. he wants to watch the show that the guard down the hall watches for himself, instead of just listening to it. but most of all, he wants to be with junsu, and protect him.] Get some sleep, ok? You should be rested up first. [minsu lies down, but he does it on junsu's cot, smiling almost shyly.] The guards won't bother you this way. And I won't either, I promise.
[ there's only a little bit of hesitation in his features when minsu lies down with him. he trusts him. somehow, he trusts him, when he should be so much more afraid, when he has every reason to stay away from someone that could eat him if he knew what he was.
but minsu doesn't want to eat people anymore. and he hasn't shown sign that he sees junsu as anything but a person who should be out of these walls.
no one should be in these walls, really. except the guards. junsu swallows and nods, shifting a bit closer. part of him wants to kiss minsu. a thank you for his protection, a thank you for telling him how to get out, a thank you for agreeing to go with him. he can't tell if it's because he feels he should owe him this and more in return or because he just wants to. it's been a long time since he's been able to tell the difference. ]
Sorry, [ he mumbles when his leg touches minsu's. there isnt a lot of room on the cot. ] Don't fall off. It's okay if you — [ he tugs at his shirt. it's okay if he stays close. ]
[quietly. it's been a long time since he's been this close to someone. it's hard to imagine the violence that used to follow in the past, almost impossible. he doesn't want to imagine it. all he wants is to absorb everything that is junsu through his five senses.
minsu blinks in the darkness as junsu tugs at his shirt. he gets his meaning, and it makes him feel strangely warm. slowly, he slides his arms around him, but the embrace is loose at first, but slowly wraps around junsu tighter.]
[ junsu's breathing hitches, but he doesn't freeze or move away. it's kind of nice, actually. it's warm. he wonders if they'd get in trouble found like this, tangled up. remembers the guards are scared of minsu. ]
Yeah. Usually.
[ even more so in this place, where his very insides feel gold.
he shifts close, nose against minsu's collarbone. ]
Yes. Summers in here are the worst. I stay naked most of the time. It seems to really bother the guards.
[there's a smile in his voice. he's not making that up though. minsu's hand slides along junsu's back. this feeling is good. having someone this close is nice, minsu likes it.]
Anyway, you won't be able to get to sleep if we keep talking.
[ junsu giggles at that. he can kind of imagine it. even if it's not funny that the guards are that bothered by it. at least it was another reason they left him alone. it seems like the better alternative than having them on you all the time. his face still aches.
he hums, closing his eyes. ]
Okay. [ he's comfortable. he didn't think he'd ever feel comfortable again, but he's comfortable right now, as he drifts off to sleep, resting fully. ]
[ah- that's a nice sound. minsu's never been the reason that someone laughed before. he's never been the reason for the least little bit of anyone's happiness.
minsu thinks about it, how it makes him feel, the whole time that junsu's asleep.]
[ junsu wakes up still tangled up in minsu, and finds he doesn't want that to change. he's slow to regain some sense of fully awake, drowsy, exhausted to the bone by the intense ups and downs of emotions he's been having since getting caught.
but while he's here, pressed up against minsu, it's simpler. feels safe, even. ]
[minsu whispers back before smiling at his own joke. he remains almost unnaturally still, and will continue to do so. for junsu, yes, but also for himself.
they'll be bringing breakfast trays around soon. minsu should be starving, senses noticing even the smell of the water that they boil for oatmeal. it doesn't feel as sharp today. he would even choose to stay like this for a little longer over the meal.]
[minsu's amused by it, and he meant the words as a compliment. but when he thinks about it, what too much survival has made him, he realizes that maybe it wasn't.]
Anyway, you being alive matters to me. I like having someone to talk to.
[and touch, and smell, both of which minsu is also doing at that moment.]
[ he wrinkles his nose, but more out of shyness than dislike. he figures it's a compliment, coming from a fox. even if some aspects of this kind of fox are terrifying to him, minsu isn't. not at all. ]
I like being talked to.
[ and touched. that much is implied in the way he doesn't make minsu stop, and keeps himself relaxed and close by. he's so lucky. his cellmate is minsu, and that feels like a gift, and luck so powerful it might as well be magic. he could've landed with anyone. someone awful. someone evil. someone who would know he was human. someone who would want to hurt him. someone who would want him. ]
[he really doesn't want to argue junsu's opinion, give him reasons for why he does belong there, scare him with them. what he says back isn't a lie - junsu belongs there less because he doesn't belong there at all.]
Do you hate it that much? Do you want to escape right away?
[minsu doesn't know how closely they're still watching the newest arrival. it would be even less after a few days. but things could happen in those few days. junsu could be hurt again.]
[ he can't explain just why he's so afraid, though. not without revealing he's human, and he can't yet be sure it won't make minsu turn on him. he doubts it, but his self-preservation instincts tell him not to say anything yet.
escaping right away would be ideal, but it's probably not safe. ]
So you'll protect me? [ he finishes for him, closing his eyes. he wants that safety and protection, but getting it for no reason, without asking for it, without doing anything to deserve it, feels weird. like it's a lie. like minsu might say that but then decide junsu isn't worth it.
junsu has to make him care, make him think he has to keep him safe. his hand finds minsu's chest, fingers tapping there idly. ]
[he's never protected anyone before, only himself. it's the safest way, it's how you survive.
but minsu's had enough time in here to think about it, and about how his life had pretty much already been solitary confinement. but now junsu's here with him, and he likes his company, likes this boy, and he doesn't really want to lose either of them.]
I'll protect you. The next time those men come to hurt you, they're in for a surprise.
[he tips junsu's chin up, just enough for him to see his face. literally, his face as minsu shifts his appearance to match the other's.]
Stay under the covers with a pillow. It'll look big enough that they think you're me.
[ that's... startling, and scary, and kind of hot all at once. junsu gets goosebumps, watching minsu shift into him while declaring that he'll keep him safe.
god, he's so easy. his heart skips a beat. his hand lifts to touch minsu's cheek, but it's his face instead. his lips and his nose. it's not at all like looking at the mirror. it's like seeing himself as others see him for the first time. ]
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where would he go if he escaped? where would he hide? he has nothing, no one, nowhere. he wouldn't even have anywhere to sleep unless he found someone to charm in a bar, and he's not going to do so in a prison outfit and a black eye.
he wants to glance up and see if minsu's at the window, but he also doesn't want to risk it. his heart hammers in his chest as he starts walking, trying to appear casual and aimless, but wandering toward the area minsu pointed out. he can't test it, and he doesn't want to linger in that spot longer than necessary so as to not draw attention to it. but he walks by. tries to look, listen. he notices a dandelion growing at the foot of the fence, outside the prison. he walks past it.
he's too scared, even if he could escape this way. it's daylight, and everyone else might turn against him in the yard and try to go after him. if he's seen, they'd all rush here to get out first, and he would be the first to die in the ensuing chaos.
so no. he's not escaping. he'll do it with minsu. they'll plan ahead.
he wanders back toward the picnic tables and sits down and lets the sun shine over his head and does his very best not to cry. when he's taken back to his cell, he doesn't say anything, sitting on his bunk. ]
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and he's going to do it. minsu watches him approach that spot, casual to any eyes but minsu's he grips the bars until his knuckles turn white, bites down on his bottom lip until he tastes blood.
and then junsu keeps walking, and sits down, and minsu's heart leaps and then sinks, guilt weighing his happiness down. he's quiet too when he's brought back, tilting his head at him before moving to sit beside him.]
Why?
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[ which is only part of the truth. he would feel like he owes minsu his life if he just went, and he would have no way to repay him. so it's not a lie.
but the rest is harder to say. he wants to, though. minsu has been honest and forthright with him, so junsu will do the same. mostly. there are things he can't yet say. ]
And I'm — I'm scared. I don't have anything out there. I'm scared they'd catch me before I got far.
[ he breathes out, slow and measured. ]
We should do it together.
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but then junsu says that he's scared, talks about having nothing. that's a feeling that minsu knows well. and knowing the guards here, they really might catch him, and things would be so much worse for junsu after they hurt him again. minsu doesn't think he could stand that.]
Okay. [as soon as he whispers it, minsu realizes how much he wants to be out. he wants to eat different things besides the same five meals they always rotate. he wants to eat as much as he can instead of only what's served on those tin trays. he wants to watch the show that the guard down the hall watches for himself, instead of just listening to it. but most of all, he wants to be with junsu, and protect him.] Get some sleep, ok? You should be rested up first. [minsu lies down, but he does it on junsu's cot, smiling almost shyly.] The guards won't bother you this way. And I won't either, I promise.
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but minsu doesn't want to eat people anymore. and he hasn't shown sign that he sees junsu as anything but a person who should be out of these walls.
no one should be in these walls, really. except the guards. junsu swallows and nods, shifting a bit closer. part of him wants to kiss minsu. a thank you for his protection, a thank you for telling him how to get out, a thank you for agreeing to go with him. he can't tell if it's because he feels he should owe him this and more in return or because he just wants to. it's been a long time since he's been able to tell the difference. ]
Sorry, [ he mumbles when his leg touches minsu's. there isnt a lot of room on the cot. ] Don't fall off. It's okay if you — [ he tugs at his shirt. it's okay if he stays close. ]
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[quietly. it's been a long time since he's been this close to someone. it's hard to imagine the violence that used to follow in the past, almost impossible. he doesn't want to imagine it. all he wants is to absorb everything that is junsu through his five senses.
minsu blinks in the darkness as junsu tugs at his shirt. he gets his meaning, and it makes him feel strangely warm. slowly, he slides his arms around him, but the embrace is loose at first, but slowly wraps around junsu tighter.]
Are you always this cold?
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Yeah. Usually.
[ even more so in this place, where his very insides feel gold.
he shifts close, nose against minsu's collarbone. ]
Are you always this warm?
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[there's a smile in his voice. he's not making that up though. minsu's hand slides along junsu's back. this feeling is good. having someone this close is nice, minsu likes it.]
Anyway, you won't be able to get to sleep if we keep talking.
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he hums, closing his eyes. ]
Okay. [ he's comfortable. he didn't think he'd ever feel comfortable again, but he's comfortable right now, as he drifts off to sleep, resting fully. ]
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minsu thinks about it, how it makes him feel, the whole time that junsu's asleep.]
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but while he's here, pressed up against minsu, it's simpler. feels safe, even. ]
Are you up? [ he whispers. ]
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[minsu whispers back before smiling at his own joke. he remains almost unnaturally still, and will continue to do so. for junsu, yes, but also for himself.
they'll be bringing breakfast trays around soon. minsu should be starving, senses noticing even the smell of the water that they boil for oatmeal. it doesn't feel as sharp today. he would even choose to stay like this for a little longer over the meal.]
Do you hurt?
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[ he answers, eyes closing as he stays hidden against minsu, finding safety in a stranger, and one that is a threat to humans.
he sighs. ]
But alive. That's what matters.
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[minsu's amused by it, and he meant the words as a compliment. but when he thinks about it, what too much survival has made him, he realizes that maybe it wasn't.]
Anyway, you being alive matters to me. I like having someone to talk to.
[and touch, and smell, both of which minsu is also doing at that moment.]
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I like being talked to.
[ and touched. that much is implied in the way he doesn't make minsu stop, and keeps himself relaxed and close by. he's so lucky. his cellmate is minsu, and that feels like a gift, and luck so powerful it might as well be magic. he could've landed with anyone. someone awful. someone evil. someone who would know he was human. someone who would want to hurt him. someone who would want him. ]
You're nice. You don't belong here.
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[he really doesn't want to argue junsu's opinion, give him reasons for why he does belong there, scare him with them. what he says back isn't a lie - junsu belongs there less because he doesn't belong there at all.]
Do you hate it that much? Do you want to escape right away?
[minsu doesn't know how closely they're still watching the newest arrival. it would be even less after a few days. but things could happen in those few days. junsu could be hurt again.]
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[ he can't explain just why he's so afraid, though. not without revealing he's human, and he can't yet be sure it won't make minsu turn on him. he doubts it, but his self-preservation instincts tell him not to say anything yet.
escaping right away would be ideal, but it's probably not safe. ]
We should wait. We need to plan.
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[the 'stay close to me' goes unspoken. minsu feels suddenly shy and can't finish the thought.]
And I've already got it figured it out.
[which might seem surprising, or even unlikely. but there is still a little of that fox cleverness inside of him.]
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junsu has to make him care, make him think he has to keep him safe. his hand finds minsu's chest, fingers tapping there idly. ]
What's the plan, then?
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but minsu's had enough time in here to think about it, and about how his life had pretty much already been solitary confinement. but now junsu's here with him, and he likes his company, likes this boy, and he doesn't really want to lose either of them.]
I'll protect you. The next time those men come to hurt you, they're in for a surprise.
[he tips junsu's chin up, just enough for him to see his face. literally, his face as minsu shifts his appearance to match the other's.]
Stay under the covers with a pillow. It'll look big enough that they think you're me.
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god, he's so easy. his heart skips a beat. his hand lifts to touch minsu's cheek, but it's his face instead. his lips and his nose. it's not at all like looking at the mirror. it's like seeing himself as others see him for the first time. ]
Okay, [ he whispers, breathless, enthralled. ]