[ he doesn't really mind. he likes physical contact, all the more when he's scared and sad and feeling alone. seeing no end, no exit. hopeless.
he might actually spend the rest of his life in here or die some horrible way. he finishes his food and feels sick to his stomach about it. listens to minsu instead, and wonders how they might help each other, how he might make his way into minsu's life so he never sees him as something to snack on. while keeping him safe from everything else in this place that might want to hurt him.
he leans back against him. ]
If I help you, will you... will you make sure no one here hurts me?
[there's a fondness in minsu's voice. these are the things that he's already decided - that he likes junsu, that he wants to be his friend, that he wants to protect him. maybe it's his own loneliness that helps him make these kinds of decisions so quickly.
junsu's weight is suddenly against him again, deliberately. it's new, and junsu smells good, but it doesn't stir his hunger.]
[ junsu looks at minsu at that, a bit startled. he didn't earn that sort of protection. why is minsu just offering it? it might be a trick. maybe this is how he lures in his victims. maybe this is why he had no cellmate.
why would they give him a cellmate if he just ate them, though? and minsu looks so far from a hungry, people eating monster. he just looks kind of lonely. ]
I don't know. You'd have to tell me what I can do for you. I guess to make it easier.
[minsu could be their executioner. but it's probably better if junsu doesn't consider that possibility
what could he do, though. minsu isn't about to ask him for part of his food, especially not after the way that he ate his too. it wouldn't even be enough to really make a difference anyway.]
Mmm, you're already doing it.
[minsu smiles as he realizes it. just having someone there, someone to talk to, it makes as big a difference as he thought it would.
but then he pauses. fidgets.]
Some of the prisoners in the other cells kiss sometimes.
[ this is how a lot of things have gone for him lately. when he can't pick up an odd job here and there to earn a little money, he finds someone to seduce that will offer him shelter for a night, and breakfast in the morning. sometimes it's not obvious that's what he's doing. sometimes he's as upfront about it as he can be without feeling ashamed, like he's selling himself.
he always chooses people he likes, pretty people who seem like they're looking for a good time and not someone to unleash on.
the idea of kissing minsu, of possibly doing more, in exchange for protection... it's not new. he said he would protect him anyway, but he has a hard time believing someone would do that for absolutely nothing.
minsu's got a pretty face. he's been nice so far. he scares the guards. and if he found out what he was, it might cause a lot of trouble.
but that's a problem for later. ]
You want to kiss me? [ he bites his lower lip, drags his tongue over it. makes sure to tilt his head just right, the way he knows makes his eyes look more irresistible. ]
[he's not even sure what he expected junsu's reaction to be. flat out denial, probably. disgust, maybe a little bit of anger, possibly. he could even have been afraid of minsu. it was a mistake to joke about it when those could've been the consequences. he'd just made a friend. minsu thinks of it that way already, without even being sure of how junsu feels about him.
he doesn't know what's happening right now. this isn't any of those reactions. this...this is more like - he's seen this before.]
No... [minsu shakes his head, looking like he's trying to prove his innocence after being accused of something.] I wouldn't do that to you. I won't. I just had a thought - I'm sorry, I was wrong.
[ and that's not the reaction he expected either. he deflates, strangely dejected and yet touched, relieved, at the same time. it's a rejection, and that hurts his pride, but minsu not jumping for a chance to get in his pants, minsu saying i wouldn't do that to you, it does things to his heart.
minsu's a good person. much better than a lot of people out there. ]
It's okay. I get it. [ if he were trying to seduce minsu, this is where he would lower his voice, touch his face, lean in close. ] You've been here so long. I would be going crazy, wanting people to touch me.
[ he doesn't do any of that. his words aren't sultry, they're quiet admissions. it might be his future. or maybe minsu has a few partners around the jail, people he trusts and likes. maybe junsu can make that sort of friend too, so he won't have to be touch starved.
he lifts his gaze to minsu's again. he wasn't offering only in exchange for safety. minsu really is pretty. ]
If I'd met you in some shitty bar, honey, I would've made you take me to your bed.
[minsu starts to speak and then stops. he wants to be touched, he does. he's noticed that his hunger has started to change over these many months, in ways that he couldn't quite pinpoint. junsu's words are helping to clear it up a little.
he's already touched starved. he wants junsu to kiss him and touch him. but even when junsu seemed willing, minsu couldn't believe that someone would want a monster like him touching them.
and that last statement reminds him even more of what he is, and he doesn't want to imagine meeting junsu somewhere like that, his easy smile and willingness, because minsu knows what he would've done next, how he smells so good that he might've tried to take advantage of it. it makes him blink against the tears that sting his eyes that want to fully form. he tries to think about something else - so he thinks about his curiosity.]
[ he answers right away, easily. the mood is strange between them now. junsu is exhausted. he's aching. he's scared. he cant think of anything more stressful than this situation, but he can think of a hundred people worse than minsu to be cellmates with.
that's the relief he clings to. minsu, next to him.
if he'd met him at a bar, the context would've been different. but he would have done the same as he was offering, earlier. made himself desirable, tempting. made himself perfect so minsu would have wanted to keep him around. ]
I would've been perfect and exactly what you wanted.
[anything. that sounds nice, more than nice. it makes minsu's stomach do a little flip that has nothing to do with hunger. but it sounds kind of wrong at the same time, minsu's expression a mixture of thought and confusion.]
Is that always how it works?
[it seems wrong, somehow. minsu was always trying to make himself desirable too, but for very different reasons. it wasn't real, and he doesn't know anything about how it's supposed to work when it is.]
How do you decide who's supposed to be perfect and the one that the other wants? Shouldn't it be both?
[he's starting to confuse himself now. minsu sighs and stands up, going back to his own cot, drawing his legs up onto it to appear smaller again.]
I'm glad that you like my face, though. That's nice.
[ sometimes, before. there were people in his life. that he chose because he liked them, and they liked him, and there wasn't the same weight to it, the same desperation, the same fear driving everything. he felt out of place, he wanted more, but that wasn't a crushing, terrifying thing because the world was still mostly human and safe.
after, he'd become too terrified, his desire to be more tied into that, everything he did about keeping himself safe, his worth defined by his ability to find a place to stay and magical people to befriend. usually to seduce.
minsu goes back to his cot, and junsu is hit with all the exhaustion of the day, lying down immediately and curling up again. ]
I guess it should be. I don't know anymore.
[ he looks to minsu, wanting to smile but too tired to, tugging the ratty blanket at the foot of his cot over his body. ]
It's pretty. But you seem nice, too. Nicer than most.
[or at least that's what junsu's words suggest to him. he unfolds his own blanket from the bottom his cot and covers junsu with it too. and then minsu lies down too, looking across the small distance that the cell allows them.]
I don't know anything.
[he says it with his own lips, and then laughs too. it feels true though. he's rejected almost all that he used to know, not wanting to be what he was anymore. it's left him with nothing.]
[he pouts with his response, making it all the more like the comeback of a child. it's the first time he's actually be question about it. but it's also the first time he ever told someone about his dream.]
Maybe they're not as strong, and they can't fly or breathe fire. But they can make hamburgers! And write songs. They made special days to eat and give each other gifts. They celebrate the day that they were born - not just themselves, but everyone around them celebrates it too! I don't even know what day I was born.
[minsu grows quiet for a moment, and a little bit of color starts creeping into his face.]
And have you see their babies? [minsu flops onto his back, one arm pillowed under his head.] One of the guards was showing another one a picture of his baby. I could see it over their shoulders. It looked so happy and fat! I really want to smell a baby!
[junsu probably needs to know him a little better for this to not sound weird.]
[ minsu's version of humans is... idealistic, almost childish. kind of cute and sweet, but also so far from what's important. it's surface stuff. and a little confusing, regarding babies. wouldn't he want to eat it?
but if he can't tell junsu's not magical, maybe it's not a smell thing.
he looks at minsu, blankets tucked up to his chin. ]
[junsu's scent does confuse him. but maybe some creatures still smell like humans. maybe it's like camouflage, or maybe their scent only changes when they're using their powers or - he doesn't know. he just doesn't suspect that anyone would lie about it, especially not when it lands them here.]
Well... [that question must confuse him too, because minsu looks like he's not quite sure how to answer it.] I guess I first started hanging around them about a thousand years ago.
[and he knows it might sound like such a long time, but it's hard to explain why he didn't actually learn much over those centuries. how it's been less than a year since he's really started trying to, but with limited contact.]
[ he has to remind himself that if he's not human, a thousand years shouldn't be as shocking as they feel. he's wide awake again, trying to wrap his mind around a thousand years of life. he's so exhausted after 30. he can't imagine.
it doesn't explain minsus strange... everything, like not knowing it's a bit creepy to say you want to sniff a human baby that isn't yours.
But he probably didn't hang out with humans to befriend them, did he. A thousand years, how many dead is that? He swallows hard. ]
That's a long time... and you, uh, you didn't want to be human anytime before that?
[minsu's not cold, but the question makes him curl up, like he's trying to make himself smaller the way that junsu did earlier.]
I didn't want anything except-
[to eat. he doesn't even like saying the words anymore, not in this context. even if minsu realizes that he doesn't have a right to feel uncomfortable about it. they were his own actions after all.]
It hurt my pride when they caught me. My plan was...well I was going to get even with all of them before I broke out. But the longer I stayed in here, the more it felt like a fog was lifting from me. Maybe more like a shadow. And then I found out about the legend of a thousand days.
[ junsu swallows hard. it could all be a lie. god knows some magical beings, especially the predator type, like to lie to lure in victims. he has no reason to think they'd put someone in a cell with minsu if he'd killed all his previous cellmates, though. they probably would have killed him first.
and he sounds genuine, looks genuine. he's curling up like he doesn't like thinking or talking about this. what he used to do. ]
This might be... [ he doesn't want to sound insensitive. ] It helps you to achieve that, being here, doesn't it?
[minsu says what he assumes junsu is thinking, because it's true. it's what he also believes. he looks at junsu for a moment, eyes shining in the darkness. there's something else that he thinks.]
[ junsu doesn't react, but on the inside, he feels frozen. what if minsu can tell he's lying, and has been lying about that? what if he tells the guards, they're not going to believe him, they're going to beat him... what if he eats him? ]
[that's what minsu sees. and while he has noticed how very, very human junsu smells, it's that goodness that would make it less surprising if he knew the truth, if he heard it from junsu's own lips.]
Whatever they think you did, you either didn't do it, or you did it for a very good reason. You shouldn't be here.
[ so it's not about him being human. his heart rate calms down a little. ]
You don't have to do much to end up here nowadays.
[ depends on the accusation, on who tattled, on who saw you, who caught you and arrested you. junsu doesn't even know what was said. he doesn't even know what he's charged with. for all he knows it could just be existing while being a magical person.
but he isn't even that. he'd just gotten so good at lying about it. maybe he'd bragged too loudly, wanting to be heard, seen, included.
[minsu frowns at that. he wants to be a comfort, but he also doesn't know what to say. so he stays quiet, at least allowing junsu the chance to sleep, or at least to rest if he can't. morning comes first, and then breakfast, and minsu repeats the same ritual from the night before while they're delivering their breakfast.
he collects the trays then, sitting down beside junsu on his bunk.]
They'll be coming to take you out to the exercise yard in a couple of hours. [minsu shoves an entire potato in his mouth, glancing towards the cell door.] The fences around it are electrified...except for one part of it. I can hear the hum from the window, but not from that section. They must not realize that something's wrong with it yet.
[ junsu looks up sharply from his unappetizing meal, looking tired and worn and feeling gross and greasy. the yard sounds nice, but it's the fence thing that has him staring at minsu.
is he giving him an escape? could it really be this easy? ]
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he might actually spend the rest of his life in here or die some horrible way. he finishes his food and feels sick to his stomach about it. listens to minsu instead, and wonders how they might help each other, how he might make his way into minsu's life so he never sees him as something to snack on. while keeping him safe from everything else in this place that might want to hurt him.
he leans back against him. ]
If I help you, will you... will you make sure no one here hurts me?
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[there's a fondness in minsu's voice. these are the things that he's already decided - that he likes junsu, that he wants to be his friend, that he wants to protect him. maybe it's his own loneliness that helps him make these kinds of decisions so quickly.
junsu's weight is suddenly against him again, deliberately. it's new, and junsu smells good, but it doesn't stir his hunger.]
How would you help me though?
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why would they give him a cellmate if he just ate them, though? and minsu looks so far from a hungry, people eating monster. he just looks kind of lonely. ]
I don't know. You'd have to tell me what I can do for you. I guess to make it easier.
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what could he do, though. minsu isn't about to ask him for part of his food, especially not after the way that he ate his too. it wouldn't even be enough to really make a difference anyway.]
Mmm, you're already doing it.
[minsu smiles as he realizes it. just having someone there, someone to talk to, it makes as big a difference as he thought it would.
but then he pauses. fidgets.]
Some of the prisoners in the other cells kiss sometimes.
[yep, a little shameless in every universe.]
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he always chooses people he likes, pretty people who seem like they're looking for a good time and not someone to unleash on.
the idea of kissing minsu, of possibly doing more, in exchange for protection... it's not new. he said he would protect him anyway, but he has a hard time believing someone would do that for absolutely nothing.
minsu's got a pretty face. he's been nice so far. he scares the guards. and if he found out what he was, it might cause a lot of trouble.
but that's a problem for later. ]
You want to kiss me? [ he bites his lower lip, drags his tongue over it. makes sure to tilt his head just right, the way he knows makes his eyes look more irresistible. ]
Do you want to do more than just kiss me?
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he doesn't know what's happening right now. this isn't any of those reactions. this...this is more like - he's seen this before.]
No... [minsu shakes his head, looking like he's trying to prove his innocence after being accused of something.] I wouldn't do that to you. I won't. I just had a thought - I'm sorry, I was wrong.
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minsu's a good person. much better than a lot of people out there. ]
It's okay. I get it. [ if he were trying to seduce minsu, this is where he would lower his voice, touch his face, lean in close. ] You've been here so long. I would be going crazy, wanting people to touch me.
[ he doesn't do any of that. his words aren't sultry, they're quiet admissions. it might be his future. or maybe minsu has a few partners around the jail, people he trusts and likes. maybe junsu can make that sort of friend too, so he won't have to be touch starved.
he lifts his gaze to minsu's again. he wasn't offering only in exchange for safety. minsu really is pretty. ]
If I'd met you in some shitty bar, honey, I would've made you take me to your bed.
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[minsu starts to speak and then stops. he wants to be touched, he does. he's noticed that his hunger has started to change over these many months, in ways that he couldn't quite pinpoint. junsu's words are helping to clear it up a little.
he's already touched starved. he wants junsu to kiss him and touch him. but even when junsu seemed willing, minsu couldn't believe that someone would want a monster like him touching them.
and that last statement reminds him even more of what he is, and he doesn't want to imagine meeting junsu somewhere like that, his easy smile and willingness, because minsu knows what he would've done next, how he smells so good that he might've tried to take advantage of it. it makes him blink against the tears that sting his eyes that want to fully form. he tries to think about something else - so he thinks about his curiosity.]
What...would you have done once we got there?
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[ he answers right away, easily. the mood is strange between them now. junsu is exhausted. he's aching. he's scared. he cant think of anything more stressful than this situation, but he can think of a hundred people worse than minsu to be cellmates with.
that's the relief he clings to. minsu, next to him.
if he'd met him at a bar, the context would've been different. but he would have done the same as he was offering, earlier. made himself desirable, tempting. made himself perfect so minsu would have wanted to keep him around. ]
I would've been perfect and exactly what you wanted.
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Is that always how it works?
[it seems wrong, somehow. minsu was always trying to make himself desirable too, but for very different reasons. it wasn't real, and he doesn't know anything about how it's supposed to work when it is.]
How do you decide who's supposed to be perfect and the one that the other wants? Shouldn't it be both?
[he's starting to confuse himself now. minsu sighs and stands up, going back to his own cot, drawing his legs up onto it to appear smaller again.]
I'm glad that you like my face, though. That's nice.
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[ sometimes, before. there were people in his life. that he chose because he liked them, and they liked him, and there wasn't the same weight to it, the same desperation, the same fear driving everything. he felt out of place, he wanted more, but that wasn't a crushing, terrifying thing because the world was still mostly human and safe.
after, he'd become too terrified, his desire to be more tied into that, everything he did about keeping himself safe, his worth defined by his ability to find a place to stay and magical people to befriend. usually to seduce.
minsu goes back to his cot, and junsu is hit with all the exhaustion of the day, lying down immediately and curling up again. ]
I guess it should be. I don't know anymore.
[ he looks to minsu, wanting to smile but too tired to, tugging the ratty blanket at the foot of his cot over his body. ]
It's pretty. But you seem nice, too. Nicer than most.
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[or at least that's what junsu's words suggest to him. he unfolds his own blanket from the bottom his cot and covers junsu with it too. and then minsu lies down too, looking across the small distance that the cell allows them.]
I don't know anything.
[he says it with his own lips, and then laughs too. it feels true though. he's rejected almost all that he used to know, not wanting to be what he was anymore. it's left him with nothing.]
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[ he's a bit surprised to hear that. though maybe it's a more general thing, since he's laughing. ]
You know some things. You know you could become human.
[ which makes him think, now without the haze and confusion of arriving here... why? ]
Why do you want to be human? They're weak.
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[he pouts with his response, making it all the more like the comeback of a child. it's the first time he's actually be question about it. but it's also the first time he ever told someone about his dream.]
Maybe they're not as strong, and they can't fly or breathe fire. But they can make hamburgers! And write songs. They made special days to eat and give each other gifts. They celebrate the day that they were born - not just themselves, but everyone around them celebrates it too! I don't even know what day I was born.
[minsu grows quiet for a moment, and a little bit of color starts creeping into his face.]
And have you see their babies? [minsu flops onto his back, one arm pillowed under his head.] One of the guards was showing another one a picture of his baby. I could see it over their shoulders. It looked so happy and fat! I really want to smell a baby!
[junsu probably needs to know him a little better for this to not sound weird.]
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but if he can't tell junsu's not magical, maybe it's not a smell thing.
he looks at minsu, blankets tucked up to his chin. ]
How long have you been around humans?
[ it can't have been long. there's no way. ]
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Well... [that question must confuse him too, because minsu looks like he's not quite sure how to answer it.] I guess I first started hanging around them about a thousand years ago.
[and he knows it might sound like such a long time, but it's hard to explain why he didn't actually learn much over those centuries. how it's been less than a year since he's really started trying to, but with limited contact.]
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it doesn't explain minsus strange... everything, like not knowing it's a bit creepy to say you want to sniff a human baby that isn't yours.
But he probably didn't hang out with humans to befriend them, did he. A thousand years, how many dead is that? He swallows hard. ]
That's a long time... and you, uh, you didn't want to be human anytime before that?
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I didn't want anything except-
[to eat. he doesn't even like saying the words anymore, not in this context. even if minsu realizes that he doesn't have a right to feel uncomfortable about it. they were his own actions after all.]
It hurt my pride when they caught me. My plan was...well I was going to get even with all of them before I broke out. But the longer I stayed in here, the more it felt like a fog was lifting from me. Maybe more like a shadow. And then I found out about the legend of a thousand days.
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and he sounds genuine, looks genuine. he's curling up like he doesn't like thinking or talking about this. what he used to do. ]
This might be... [ he doesn't want to sound insensitive. ] It helps you to achieve that, being here, doesn't it?
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[minsu says what he assumes junsu is thinking, because it's true. it's what he also believes. he looks at junsu for a moment, eyes shining in the darkness. there's something else that he thinks.]
But you don't, do you.
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What do you mean?
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[that's what minsu sees. and while he has noticed how very, very human junsu smells, it's that goodness that would make it less surprising if he knew the truth, if he heard it from junsu's own lips.]
Whatever they think you did, you either didn't do it, or you did it for a very good reason. You shouldn't be here.
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You don't have to do much to end up here nowadays.
[ depends on the accusation, on who tattled, on who saw you, who caught you and arrested you. junsu doesn't even know what was said. he doesn't even know what he's charged with. for all he knows it could just be existing while being a magical person.
but he isn't even that. he'd just gotten so good at lying about it. maybe he'd bragged too loudly, wanting to be heard, seen, included.
it was his own fault. ]
I should've been more careful.
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he collects the trays then, sitting down beside junsu on his bunk.]
They'll be coming to take you out to the exercise yard in a couple of hours. [minsu shoves an entire potato in his mouth, glancing towards the cell door.] The fences around it are electrified...except for one part of it. I can hear the hum from the window, but not from that section. They must not realize that something's wrong with it yet.
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is he giving him an escape? could it really be this easy? ]
Are you... are you sure?
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