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[braced]

Comments

[chamsae]

Thank you for agreeing to come. I'm sorry if I asked in a way that was awkward.

It is strange. But I hope to learn to enjoy it.

[braced]

not at all.

i can help. i have an appreciation for freedom.

[chamsae]

Not at all awkward? Or does the turn of phrase mean something else?

What gave you that appreciation?

[braced]

not at all awkward.

losing your freedom tends to do that

[chamsae]

Oh. Good. I'm glad about that. I wouldn't have worried as much before, but I feel relieved to know it now.

What aspects of it are you more aware of now?

[braced]

i can make my own schedule. i can go where i want. i can do what i want when i want, not only during certain times.

[ he wouldve said not fearing for his life all the time was a sort of freedom, too, but he's still scared. not quite as much as when he was in jail, but still. it hovers. ]

[chamsae]

I see. I agree with this. I used to find those things stabilizing. But it's good to be free of them now.

I believe I can see why you're grateful.

[ Bird doesn't exactly take into account that their life experience is a little different. But they are... trying in a clumsy way to make a connection. ]

[braced]

its a little overwhelming sometimes.

it must be for you, too

[chamsae]

That is the word I'd use, yes. There may be others that apply as well.

[braced]

like?

[chamsae]

It can be alarming. When I encounter something new that I have no precedent for. Relationships, for example.

[braced]

theres not much you can do about that than do your best, right?

[chamsae]

Perhaps. May I ask you something? I think it's rather personal.

[braced]

sure, go ahead

[chamsae]

Do you think that trusting yourself is a difficult thing to do? To have faith in yourself?

[braced]

it is. i dont think anyone would tell you thats easy

[chamsae]

I see. I struggle with it also, though it never occurred to me that I would before I came here. I didn't make my own choices, so there was never a question of them being right or wrong. Who would expect me to accept the blame for something that I'd not chosen to do, as long as I did it well?

That's the fearful thing about freedom. I said it was stabilizing, but it's destabilizing as well.

[braced]

your perspective is different, but most people struggle with that. i think its normal

[chamsae]

Normal. I see. Does it sound strange if I say that "normal" isn't something I'm that familiar with?

[braced]

in this case, it just means everyone feels that way and its not just you

[chamsae]

That means I'm not alone?

[braced]

yes. thats exactly what it means

[chamsae]

I think I like that feeling. It's nice not to be the only one who might have questions.

[braced]

youre definitely not

i always have questions. doubts. fears

[chamsae]

Where do you direct them? Those questions and doubts. Fears as well.