[ he eyes ten like he can read what that is off of his face, but he can't, of course. he's a bit nervous, mostly because this seems important to ten, and he's not too sure what it means. but he also isn't stupid.
A little! [ Junsu's a smart person. An observant person. He's not wrong about it being important, but Ten's also giving off a feeling like he really, really wants Junsu to be comfortable.
To a point where he might be trying too hard. But he's trying. ]
There's a good place over by the water there, [ he says, pointing with one arm in the direction he's indicating. ]
[ junsu finds that spot more than perfect. there's a flat place, which must be the area ten thinks is good for picnics, with a tree nearby and the water not far either.
Do you like picnics? [ Ten asks, his many arms doing the tasks of several people to prepare for the picnicking part of the meal. He has a blanket, which a few arms spread on the ground.
[ ah, this is delightful. junsu watches with a big grin, scooting over to sit on the blanket once it's laid out. he wants to help, but he doesn't want to interrupt the flow of ten's busy arms! and he's going so fast. ]
You haven't had picnics before? They're fun. I like them.
It's nice! I like taking time to look around at everything. There's lots of things to see.
[ From the basket, he starts procuring what is honestly far too many drink options for two people, but apparently he wanted to cover his bases. ] You can have anything you want!
And, hm, I guess you could call them that, but we sort of eat on the move?
[ junsu is flattered! it's obvious ten wants him to enjoy this, and he thinks it's a sort of peace offering, or an attempt to keep things good between them.
they both love kwang and they both want him to be happy and it would be better if things were good between them.
[ Looking at Junsu in silence for a second, Ten then smiles again. Not as bright as some, not sad, but thoughtful. Peaceful. ]
I miss it sometimes. I like going back. But there are so many things here that I really love. [ He lays one of his arms over his lap, fidgeting with it with both his hands like someone might if they were only wringing their hands alone. ]
It's a beautiful world, but this world has people I love in it. [ Spit it out, Ten. ] People like you.
[ it's not ten's answer that has junsu stop dead in the middle of lifting his juice to his mouth, but that he's included in it. he knows ten likes him, or at least wants things to go well between them. but he wouldn't have thought of himself as someone ten loves. ]
Ah, really? Me?
[ it might be because ten is a very loving person and he loves the house and the family they've built. that would make sense. ]
[ Ten probably didn't mean to blurt that out in exactly that way, but it feels good. Not because it was sudden, but because saying things without overthinking them is his usual MO. And he's been really evasive about it recently. ]
Mhmm, you! [ His smile stays bright, but turns a little shy as he gives himself just one or two seconds to chew on the next thing before he speaks.
He's not going to barrel into it in a totally clumsy way, he hopes! ] I like that about the house. But that's not the way that I like you.
Not just that, I mean. [ He shrugs a bit, which is not exactly meant as an apology or a gesture of helplessness, but it does reflect that he is unusually disarmed by the strength of this sentiment and his struggles to express it. ]
[ junsu isn't stupid. sometimes he wishes he was, because he knows what ten is saying and has absolutely no idea how to react to it. it dawns on him he's been pretty blind not to see ten felt anything but friendship for him. maybe he didn't want to see it? or maybe he mistook it as enthusiasm. ten's always chipper, eager. he's never thought he behaved any specially with him.
but he was wrong.
maybe? maybe he's reading what ten is saying wrong. ]
[ Ten understands. He's had enough time to imagine a lot of reactions to this, so he'd probably understand just about anything. There's no doubt a part of his brain that was ready to have food thrown in his face, not that he thinks Junsu would do that, but the mind does weird things when it's obsessing over something. The something being the fact that this badly-kept secret was still... that.
Still unvoiced. It already does feel better to've said it, but Ten knows that's pretty selfish on his part. ]
The way I like Wonjae and Kwang. [ he says simply, though it's absolutely not simple at all. ] That way. I'm sorry I didn't say something sooner.
it's a really strange situation for junsu, too. he's never been confessed to like this, and he's never been in a place where he had the luxury of having his own thoughts and feelings about someone interested in him.
this is very different. ten and him... they're friends. he thinks. they're trying to be. ten doesn't just want junsu, he likes him.
that frames it for junsu, and his heart twinges for him. being friends with someone you have feelings for can be hard. it's wonderful, too, but it's hard. ]
I didn't know you did... You don't have to say sorry for that. You don't owe me that truth. [ he never shared his when he was in this situation, so he could never think it required of anyone. ] I'm the one that's sorry. For not knowing.
[ he puts his drink down. tries not to wring his hands nervously. he doesn't know what he feels about this, except that he's scared he'll hurt ten, and he doesn't want to do that. he doesn't want to make the situation with kwang and hojoon difficult on any side, in any way. ]
Thank you for being honest. I know... I know it takes courage to say this. You're braver than I am.
[ Ten immediately shakes his head when Junsu says he's sorry. ] No, I tried to keep it a secret. Because I figured it out at a time when I thought it'd be hard to say. I mean, I thought it might make things hard.
And then I didn't say it right after that. I just kept not saying it and thinking it was always the wrong time and it was always going to make things hard. [ He breathes out heavily, shaking his head. ] I wasn't very brave.
But I decided I should try to be. I wanted to say it, because it's something that makes me happy. I know there are things going on that-- I think maybe there'll always be things happening. And that's okay. I chose to be selfish and pick this moment to say something. [ It seems like he's made peace with the fact that this is so. It was always going to be selfish in some sense.
He knows what's happening with Kwang and Hojoon and Junsu and he knows he's butting his head in by even mentioning this. It is selfish. But maybe not saying something was worse. ]
Thank you for hearing me out, Junsu. [ He doesn't exactly know what else to say. Or rather, how to say it. These thoughts have been percolating for a long time in his mind. It's possible they were thrown around up there long enough that he's sort of lost the sense of how to say some of them.
You're definitely brave. I'm glad if... if this has made you happy instead of hurt you. I don't want to do that.
[ he cares about ten. he always had, even when his feelings got in the way, when he was confused and frustrated about things. it was never about ten, or things ten did wrong. it was all junsu's insides.
he likes ten. before he and kwang were dating, before junsu and kwang were dating, he flirted with him.
junsu's feelings for him aren't at the same place as ten's, but he doesn't think it's impossible. it's just... tricky. ]
I think I'd... like to get to know you better. [ he swallows. looks sheepish. ] I think I'm still figuring out how to balance what I have. But I want to spend more time with you.
[ is it cruel, to give ten hope? is that what he's doing? maybe he shouldn't have said that. he breathes out. ]
In the meantime, this... me and Kwang, you and Kwang, and Hojoon, well. You're part of that. And dating more than one person, you have to talk, right? Basically, I want you to know you can tell me if I do something that doesn't work for you. I still... have to respect you and your feelings and your space. So I'd like it if you felt you could do that.
[ their relationship isn't the same as him and kwang or him and hojoon, but he wants to say he consider ten part of his life in a way that matters, too. that ten is there, and should be included, and that now that junsu knows he has feelings, definitely should feel free to communicate about it. ]
You don't hurt me and never have, Junsu. Don't worry about that. [ Ten smiles a bright smile, without any shadow to it. It's better now that he's said it.
It doesn't hurt or anything like that. As long as the words are out there and he's being honest, then whatever happens next will be okay. ] If you want to know me more, then I'd like that! I'm more of an open book these days than I used to be.
Not hiding things... I think it helps. It's good. Oh, and if there's anything you're okay with me knowing, I'd love to listen. To hear more about you, too.
[ He rests his chin on a pair of his arms, thoughtful. ] If I can tell you those things, then you should be able to tell me, too. If I do something that isn't comfortable for you or Kwang or Hojoon or any of you, I want to know so I can stop or fix it or whatever I need to do. I want you to be happy. All of you.
Whatever our relationships end up being, mine with you or Kwang or Hojoon, or yours with any of them or theirs with us, whatever it is, I just want you all to be happy. [ He means it, too. Maybe now more than he ever has, not that he was ever shaky on the concept.
It's just a lot easier to say a lot of things and feel a lot of things now that he's said this one big thing. ]
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Hi! Thanks for coming! [ He grins broadly. ] I am, it's a nice day, isn't it?
And the company's great!
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[ he giggles, then spots the picnic basket. ]
You're so prepared!
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[ he eyes ten like he can read what that is off of his face, but he can't, of course. he's a bit nervous, mostly because this seems important to ten, and he's not too sure what it means. but he also isn't stupid.
he jerks his head. ]
Let's find a spot, then.
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To a point where he might be trying too hard. But he's trying. ]
There's a good place over by the water there, [ he says, pointing with one arm in the direction he's indicating. ]
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junsu flops down into the grass with a giggle. ]
I haven't had a picnic in a while.
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A couple more open the basket. ]
I've only really done this with Kwang.
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You haven't had picnics before? They're fun. I like them.
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Not like this, [ he says, as if by way of admission. He lays out some boxes with sandwiches in them to start. ] It's kind of different underwater.
Actually, just staying still is something I'm not that used to. Picnics are sort of all about that, huh?
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[ he's so curious about what ten just said, though. he leans back on his hands, stretching his legs out onto the grass and watching ten work. ]
You have picnics underwater?
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[ From the basket, he starts procuring what is honestly far too many drink options for two people, but apparently he wanted to cover his bases. ] You can have anything you want!
And, hm, I guess you could call them that, but we sort of eat on the move?
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Thank you, seaweed.
[ he reaches for juice, wanting something sweet. ]
Ah, right, like fish do, right?
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It's very possible not everyone gets the full fridge drink selection. Possibly. ]
No, thank you! For coming. I'm glad you did, really, really glad.
Yeah! I guess you could say it's like a drive-thru picnic. Without the actual driving.
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they both love kwang and they both want him to be happy and it would be better if things were good between them.
he grins. ]
A... swim-thru.
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Right! A swim-thru. Mobile dining at its best! [ He pulls out some pasta salad next, which is among the other items thanks to Minsu's assistance. ]
I liked those things, underwater. But I like being here even more, I think.
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I sometimes think about how you must miss the sea.
[ he has a tub, and he thinks he and kwang go to the beach often to prevent this, or at least once in a while, but... still. the sea is his habitat. ]
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I miss it sometimes. I like going back. But there are so many things here that I really love. [ He lays one of his arms over his lap, fidgeting with it with both his hands like someone might if they were only wringing their hands alone. ]
It's a beautiful world, but this world has people I love in it. [ Spit it out, Ten. ] People like you.
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Ah, really? Me?
[ it might be because ten is a very loving person and he loves the house and the family they've built. that would make sense. ]
The house is one big family, isn't it?
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Mhmm, you! [ His smile stays bright, but turns a little shy as he gives himself just one or two seconds to chew on the next thing before he speaks.
He's not going to barrel into it in a totally clumsy way, he hopes! ] I like that about the house. But that's not the way that I like you.
Not just that, I mean. [ He shrugs a bit, which is not exactly meant as an apology or a gesture of helplessness, but it does reflect that he is unusually disarmed by the strength of this sentiment and his struggles to express it. ]
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but he was wrong.
maybe? maybe he's reading what ten is saying wrong. ]
Oh? What else... what other way?
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Still unvoiced. It already does feel better to've said it, but Ten knows that's pretty selfish on his part. ]
The way I like Wonjae and Kwang. [ he says simply, though it's absolutely not simple at all. ] That way. I'm sorry I didn't say something sooner.
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it's a really strange situation for junsu, too. he's never been confessed to like this, and he's never been in a place where he had the luxury of having his own thoughts and feelings about someone interested in him.
this is very different. ten and him... they're friends. he thinks. they're trying to be. ten doesn't just want junsu, he likes him.
that frames it for junsu, and his heart twinges for him. being friends with someone you have feelings for can be hard. it's wonderful, too, but it's hard. ]
I didn't know you did... You don't have to say sorry for that. You don't owe me that truth. [ he never shared his when he was in this situation, so he could never think it required of anyone. ] I'm the one that's sorry. For not knowing.
[ he puts his drink down. tries not to wring his hands nervously. he doesn't know what he feels about this, except that he's scared he'll hurt ten, and he doesn't want to do that. he doesn't want to make the situation with kwang and hojoon difficult on any side, in any way. ]
Thank you for being honest. I know... I know it takes courage to say this. You're braver than I am.
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And then I didn't say it right after that. I just kept not saying it and thinking it was always the wrong time and it was always going to make things hard. [ He breathes out heavily, shaking his head. ] I wasn't very brave.
But I decided I should try to be. I wanted to say it, because it's something that makes me happy. I know there are things going on that-- I think maybe there'll always be things happening. And that's okay. I chose to be selfish and pick this moment to say something. [ It seems like he's made peace with the fact that this is so. It was always going to be selfish in some sense.
He knows what's happening with Kwang and Hojoon and Junsu and he knows he's butting his head in by even mentioning this. It is selfish. But maybe not saying something was worse. ]
Thank you for hearing me out, Junsu. [ He doesn't exactly know what else to say. Or rather, how to say it. These thoughts have been percolating for a long time in his mind. It's possible they were thrown around up there long enough that he's sort of lost the sense of how to say some of them.
He's not very good at confessing things. ]
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[ he cares about ten. he always had, even when his feelings got in the way, when he was confused and frustrated about things. it was never about ten, or things ten did wrong. it was all junsu's insides.
he likes ten. before he and kwang were dating, before junsu and kwang were dating, he flirted with him.
junsu's feelings for him aren't at the same place as ten's, but he doesn't think it's impossible. it's just... tricky. ]
I think I'd... like to get to know you better. [ he swallows. looks sheepish. ] I think I'm still figuring out how to balance what I have. But I want to spend more time with you.
[ is it cruel, to give ten hope? is that what he's doing? maybe he shouldn't have said that. he breathes out. ]
In the meantime, this... me and Kwang, you and Kwang, and Hojoon, well. You're part of that. And dating more than one person, you have to talk, right? Basically, I want you to know you can tell me if I do something that doesn't work for you. I still... have to respect you and your feelings and your space. So I'd like it if you felt you could do that.
[ their relationship isn't the same as him and kwang or him and hojoon, but he wants to say he consider ten part of his life in a way that matters, too. that ten is there, and should be included, and that now that junsu knows he has feelings, definitely should feel free to communicate about it. ]
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It doesn't hurt or anything like that. As long as the words are out there and he's being honest, then whatever happens next will be okay. ] If you want to know me more, then I'd like that! I'm more of an open book these days than I used to be.
Not hiding things... I think it helps. It's good. Oh, and if there's anything you're okay with me knowing, I'd love to listen. To hear more about you, too.
[ He rests his chin on a pair of his arms, thoughtful. ] If I can tell you those things, then you should be able to tell me, too. If I do something that isn't comfortable for you or Kwang or Hojoon or any of you, I want to know so I can stop or fix it or whatever I need to do. I want you to be happy. All of you.
Whatever our relationships end up being, mine with you or Kwang or Hojoon, or yours with any of them or theirs with us, whatever it is, I just want you all to be happy. [ He means it, too. Maybe now more than he ever has, not that he was ever shaky on the concept.
It's just a lot easier to say a lot of things and feel a lot of things now that he's said this one big thing. ]
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