[ he can't argue that ten wasn't hurting people, or that it's fine for him not to change. it must be things he doesn't know about. he looks forward to knowing more about ten by paying more attention to him, but also being let in.
this is probably a big first step for that. ]
Promise to tell me if I ever hurt you?
[ he'd like to change, too, if that were to happen. ]
[ Ten gives Junsu a long look, eyes a bit wider than before, hints of questions lingering there. ]
Okay. I'll tell you. [ It's a step. There's something in Ten's eyes that says he doesn't think it'll happen, but he's not going to deny the possibility. It feels important to acknowledge that, too. Even if it isn't so pleasant to imagine it happening. ]
I promise I'll tell you. Not just that, but anything you need to know that I can share. I won't hold things back that way anymore.
[ He looks pretty serene when he says as much. ] I think things are going to get even better now.
[ that makes junsu feel... more relaxed. he wasn't stressed, but to see that ten thinks things will be even better now, it's reassuring. ten is handling this so much better than junsu did. it wasn't quite the same, but having feelings for someone that isn't sure or doesn't share them the same way, it hurts. junsu was anguished about it for so long.
but ten is happy? it makes junsu want to be kind to him, but without feeling guilty or awful. he wonders if minsu might have accepted his feelings if junsu hadn't been so upset to be having them in the first place when they weren't returned. ]
Yeah? I'm going to do what I can so that's true. So things get better.
[ Ten would want to comfort Junsu if he could see those thoughts. He'd say, well, it's not that no part of him is sad. It's not that he's magically capable of being happy all the time like some sort of superpower, just to be clear! He does feel lucky if Junsu will even think about spending time with him or talking to him. That's nice and it makes him happy to think about that.
Maybe it just makes him happier to think about that now than it makes him sad to think about his feelings not being returned, or there being some kind of divide there, whatever it happens to be. Not being told to get out and never speak to Junsu again is such a relief that the other feeling is smaller.
It's not that he would've expected that. He would've understood though. Then again, maybe he didn't explain some things as clearly as he could've. He'll have to think about that later, to make sure Junsu knows the whole, full, unedited truth. ]
Thank you, Junsu. I think you're a really good person, you know? I'm not just saying that! [ He says this as a preemptive protest. ] The way that you can be gentle about things... it's good, I think.
Ah, no, I'm really not. I try, though... But I'm mostly a mess of a person.
[ and he's not saying that in the same way he would have before coming to the house. now he accepts this about himself. he's not putting himself down. he understands better that most people are kind of a mess (surviving a war will do that), and that no one can be perfect. no one. ]
Everyone kind of is, though. [ so it's not a bad thought about himself, just an observation! all people can do is try to be good, and junsu does a lot of that. so he thinks he's okay, even if he's a mess. ]
I think you're right about the last part. None of us is very neat, are we? [ Two of his arms tie two others into a bow, as if to illustrate a perfectly wrapped gift. ]
People aren't like that. I think what we try to do matters though. And I think you try to be good to other people. You show people a lot of kindness. I know... I know you worried about having to hide things and not feeling comfortable telling people things, but I think the way you are, it's really honest.
[ Maybe that sounds odd, but it's still how he feels. ] Even if you were fighting with that yourself, you still gave other people the freedom and space they needed to be themselves.
[ He knows, because he's experienced it and because he's seen it in Kwang, if not others. ] I think that's important.
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this is probably a big first step for that. ]
Promise to tell me if I ever hurt you?
[ he'd like to change, too, if that were to happen. ]
I'm glad you found the right path.
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Okay. I'll tell you. [ It's a step. There's something in Ten's eyes that says he doesn't think it'll happen, but he's not going to deny the possibility. It feels important to acknowledge that, too. Even if it isn't so pleasant to imagine it happening. ]
I promise I'll tell you. Not just that, but anything you need to know that I can share. I won't hold things back that way anymore.
[ He looks pretty serene when he says as much. ] I think things are going to get even better now.
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but ten is happy? it makes junsu want to be kind to him, but without feeling guilty or awful. he wonders if minsu might have accepted his feelings if junsu hadn't been so upset to be having them in the first place when they weren't returned. ]
Yeah? I'm going to do what I can so that's true. So things get better.
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Maybe it just makes him happier to think about that now than it makes him sad to think about his feelings not being returned, or there being some kind of divide there, whatever it happens to be. Not being told to get out and never speak to Junsu again is such a relief that the other feeling is smaller.
It's not that he would've expected that. He would've understood though. Then again, maybe he didn't explain some things as clearly as he could've. He'll have to think about that later, to make sure Junsu knows the whole, full, unedited truth. ]
Thank you, Junsu. I think you're a really good person, you know? I'm not just saying that! [ He says this as a preemptive protest. ] The way that you can be gentle about things... it's good, I think.
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[ and he's not saying that in the same way he would have before coming to the house. now he accepts this about himself. he's not putting himself down. he understands better that most people are kind of a mess (surviving a war will do that), and that no one can be perfect. no one. ]
Everyone kind of is, though. [ so it's not a bad thought about himself, just an observation! all people can do is try to be good, and junsu does a lot of that. so he thinks he's okay, even if he's a mess. ]
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People aren't like that. I think what we try to do matters though. And I think you try to be good to other people. You show people a lot of kindness. I know... I know you worried about having to hide things and not feeling comfortable telling people things, but I think the way you are, it's really honest.
[ Maybe that sounds odd, but it's still how he feels. ] Even if you were fighting with that yourself, you still gave other people the freedom and space they needed to be themselves.
[ He knows, because he's experienced it and because he's seen it in Kwang, if not others. ] I think that's important.