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[braced]

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[gunflowers]

So from what I understand, you offered to spill all my secrets to Dal, and he really wants to ask you about them but also doesn’t really know where to start, because he thinks it’ll be easier if you know how far we’ve gone, but he’s not really good at talking about it.

I don’t know what questions he is but what I can say to make things easier for him is this: he put it in me and it was fucking fantastic

[braced]

oh my god

well im glad you had a good time baby. and that i dont even need to ask for gossip to get it! hehehe

[gunflowers]

are you kidding I’ve been sitting on my hands trying not to text you about it bc I wasn’t sure if he’d be okay with it

But turns out I think he wants to share, too, he’s just not as comfortable with it as I am

Also it’s not gossip!!!! Is it? Who cares about my sex life

[braced]

i think everyone's been anxious to know things were going well for you two honestly

you guys are cute. its nice to see

well now that i know he doesnt have to feel so awkward about it right? besides, i was with minsu when we taught him about sex! he doesnt have to get shy with me

[gunflowers]

really? i didn't realize everyone was so invested, honestly

but i guess i'm glad, it's - yeah. i'm happy. are you? you're doing well? did you have a good christmas? did you like your present?

the thing is, he knows he doesn't have to get shy, but he still does, because he gets flustered easily and you guys don't. you're all confident when it comes to sex and he isn't. but i'll tell him i told you, and maybe he'll dare asking you his questions

and not that i'd want to influence what you tell him and all, but idk if talking to him about the lingerie thing isn't a bit premature

[braced]

i had a great christmas. thank you for being part of it and your cute bffs 5 ever present. have i ever told you that youre a dork. youre a dork

myung please! you have so little faith in me. i dont want to scar him, i just want to give him pointers if he needs them, and maybe asking someone else is easier, and maybe he's just going to ask me if you fart in your sleep anyway

[gunflowers]

wow, rude! Like you’ve had any better presents than that ring!!!

I do have faith in you! But I know he’s curious about what I potentially have not told him yet so

And tbf he’s slept with me - and by that I mean proper sleep - more than you have, so he knows if I do already. Did I tell you he’s moved in the piano room with me? Like. When it’s him, it’s his room, now. Bam still has the other room. It just... felt right

[braced]

im wearing it right now and never taking it off

dont worry. im not going to scare him or overwhelm him. i dont want to mess this up for either of you

you didnt! thats really nice, im happy for you myung

[gunflowers]

Good

I don’t think you’d mess anything up, jun. If someone’s going to fuck it up, it’ll be me

It just made sense, whenever he’s here, he spends most of his time in that room. It felt easy to offer. How are things with your men?

[braced]

youre not going to fuck it up

yeah, of course it makes sense

theyre good. there was a bit... im trying to make sure hojoon knows i dont love him less because i also love kwang.

[gunflowers]

You say that, but I’m kinda used to fucking things up. I keep on thinking at some point I’m just going to ruin it. I’m trying not to think like that though...

You love them the same though, right?

[braced]

good. you shouldnt

am i doing something that says otherwise? am i doing this wrong or something?

[gunflowers]

I really don’t get why you all have such faith in me, but you know. Thanks.

No, I don’t think you are. It seems to me like you’re doing just fine. You love them both, and that’s it. Maybe it’s just because he doesn’t know how this kind of relationship works? If he thinks there are differences between the ways you love them, or at least the strength of your feelings.

Do you think it’s be better if you were just with him?

[braced]

kwang felt it too. he says it wasnt really my fault but i mustve done something. and joon all this time just. thought i loved him less.

i dont think thats a fair question. its not about that to me anyway. its not a solution because it would mean hurting myself and kwang and hojoon wouldnt want that either

[gunflowers]

Kwang did? Huh. No, Junsu, don’t blame yourself. Just - keep on loving them, you know? At the end of the day, that’s all that you can do. They can’t have an issue if you love them both with all your heart, right?

Sorry, you’re right. You shouldn’t have to choose between them. They’re both okay with the way your relationship works, right? It’s not like you’ve ever pretended it was anything else.

Shit, do you want to talk in person? D’you need a hug?

[braced]

yeah thats

thats what i thought is the only thing i can really do. i love them and i can keep showing them and i guess if it doesnt feel right for them... we'll talk and try and figure it out. its just scary. and kind of hurts to think you love someone so much but they dont feel it the way you thought they would i guess

im okay. thanks

[gunflowers]

I don’t think you should put that on yourself. I’m sure they feel the way you love them very intently. You’re so kind and generous, Junsu, and they must know that - it must be why they love you back. And if you’re worried, or hurt, maybe you should say that to them? You shouldn’t be the only one to make an effort.

Okay. Well it’s here if you want it.

[braced]

i want them to feel it. i feel like im failing if they dont. but its not like i can do more? i dont know. i mean i could do more for them specifically but since i love them so much already in my head i dont know how else i could show them that, so. its scary, i guess.

thank you

[gunflowers]

I think you’re so good. They’re lucky to have you, alright? Believe me. You’re amazing. Never ever forget that, they’re lucky to have you. So lucky.

I was a little jealous, for a while. They’ve got it so good, having you.

[braced]

really? you were jealous?

[gunflowers]

Yeah, a little. They get to have the lot of you and I - I didn’t. I never did.

Which is okay, I’m not bitter about it. But I was a little jealous.

[braced]

theres some of me they didnt get to have but that you did.

[gunflowers]

and i cherish these memories every day. i really do.

but seriously, if they hurt you, they're the biggest idiots i've ever seen. surely they're not that dumb to not realize how amazing you are.

[braced]

but youre happy, right?

they wouldnt. they care about me as much as i care about them! im just sensitive

[gunflowers]

fuck, jun, i've never been this happy. i'm... i feel free. safe. for the first time. Dal is so good to me, i never thought i'd ever get someone like him in my life.

and jesus, for barely-not-a-virgin anymore he's good in bed.


they love you, and we all love you. so much