[ junsu pats blindly until he finds minsu's belly, rubbing it with his hand and humming. ]
So soft. Trust me, this doesn't take away from your sex appeal to Sage.
[ his arm moves around minsu's middle to hold him there. it's funny how he doesn't think about him that way as often as he used to, but when prompted to, it comes right back to the surface. of course minsu's still hot. and he can imagine for sage it's a whole other story. ]
You're doing this because you care so much about him and what he's going through. It's instinctual. That's kinda sexy.
[but he still smiles at the reassurance, grateful for it. junsu's good at that, especially lately. minsu blinks at him fondly, eyelids heavy.]
It's like something from the Discovery Channel. [he starts to laugh, thinking about the "mating dance" that sage wasn't too impressed with. but dabbing probably has worn out its welcome.] Maybe we should read Tarzan - was that ever a book?
[ junsu starts playing with minsu's hair, soft fingertips carding through strands, the smell of him the same as the first time they were that close. things are changing, but that doesn't mean they are, right? he's so scared of that, but minsu's gift to him said the opposite of what he was fearing. he's wearing it around his neck right now, even.
but it's still scary. and he'd missed minsu, too. ]
[minsu almost sounds surprised. he's been so quick to be the one giving affection lately, but maybe he can allow himself to be on the receiving end too. just a little bit.]
Me too. [he means it so much, and not just for the sweet feeling of junsu's fingers in his hair. junsu is a part of him and always will be. his eyes drop to the necklace before he grins, holding his own up.] Do you like it? I was worried that matching best friend necklaces might seem a little childish. But I never had anyone to give one to in elementary school!
[ then junsu will keep going with the playing with the hair until his hand falls off, pretty much. minsu must have a lot on his mind, and be worried and stressed still. it's junsu's role as his best friend to provide whatever relief he can.
he grins wide at the necklace around minsu's neck. ]
I love it. I never had anyone like that either. Never had a best friend like you.
[to the part about a best friend. to wearing his necklace every day.]
And thank you for the kitchenware! It must have cost you a lot.
[but there's more to it than just the price. he knows that junsu instinctively knew the right brand to buy. he thinks he probably researched it, read reviews. probably asked a salesperson for help when he went to buy it. the thought of that is as much a gift as anything.]
[ he shakes his head, laughing softly, but some of the humour fades out of it. ]
Anything you want. It's for you to cook for your family, too.
[ his hand stills in minsu's hair, and he worries at his bottom lip. ]
It felt kind of... like it wasn't enough. [ he did to research. he checked what minsu had, he looked up the best sets for a cook, the best brands, what would work best, what chefs liked, what each brand was better known for. he didn't pick something random out of a catalog.
but after seeing minsu's gift, it felt cheap. a little impersonal. he thinks he might have tried to do that, subconsciously. create distance, before the distance created itself further. knowing if they didnt live together, maybe minsu would already have drifted from him. not because minsu is that kind of person, but because of life and circumstances. ]
I'm sorry. Your gift was so thoughtful, I — it made me feel a lot, honey. It was about us.
[he's not sure if junsu meant it any other way, but minsu can't imagine his life without junsu any more than he could imagine it without sage. he worries, sometimes, about one of his boyfriends taking him away. it's a selfish fear, but it still breaks his heart.]
Are you kidding, it was perfect!
[he looks surprised, then smiles and wiggles closer.]
It's what I love doing more than anything. It's how I show people that I love them, when I used to-
[he doesn't need to finish that, and not with junsu of all people, who understands better than anyone.]
That's why I haven't used them yet. I want to use them for us first!
[ junsu doesn't mean to tear up, and he wishes he didn't. but he does, at minsu's earnest surprise that he was worried about his choice of gift, and at the words you are my family. he didn't think he wasn't, but he didn't think he was either, not in such clear terms. and things are changing so much, and he'd been so scared he would end up pushed out of minsu's life.
but he isn't. not that minsu ever made junsu feel that way, it was just a fear, thinking about all the things in minsu's life he doesn't know or understand, how before all this he felt like minsu was a part of him from how intensely they shared the things they felt and the experiences they'd had.
family. that's so big. he sniffles. ]
You're my family too. [ he kisses minsu's cheek, then the other. ] I love you. I would love it if you cooked for me in those.
[ he pulls minsu close, hiding his face against his shoulder. ]
I would really love that. I was just scared, I guess, and then your gift made me feel better about that but not about what I picked out for you.
Ah, don't cry - Kwang and Hojoon won't let us play together anymore if you do that.
[minus teases, dabbing the edges of junsu's wet eye with the edge of sleeve. his own vision gets a little blurry as he does it. more sympathy feelings, he'd guess.]
Hearing that makes me happy. [he sounds as relieved as he does happy, not that he'd been given a reason to doubt it either. but he's been worried too, when he suddenly realized that a day, two days had passed without him seeing or talking to junsu. it was unthinkable once. it feels unnatural even now, and all minsu could think to do to fix it was come running to junsu's room.]
Those twins don't have anything on how close we are!
[he squeezes him, then takes his turn stroking a hand against junsu's hair.]
[ junsu giggles and lets minsu wipe at his eyes, sniffing but no letting any more wetness gather. it's just a joke, something to make junsu laugh, and it works. ]
Okay, no crying. [ that's not a promise, because he's got waterworks for eyes. but it's an attempt!
he nudges minsu lightly, making playful eyes at him. ] We have our own kind of sexiness, anyway.
[ he'd like to see them beat their awkward, earnest charm!!!
junsu sobers up a little, cupping minsu's cheek with his hand. he feels better. a lot better. he missed minsu. ]
Thank you. I know your life is — changing in a lot of ways. I want to be there for you. Even if it's scary to watch you live all these things I haven't.
[he's still hot! he could still turn heads! the fact that he's not looking to do that anymore is beside the point. and minsu knows for sure that junsu could too.
he smiles at the touch against his cheek, turning a little more serious.]
Some things are never going to change. [he will always love junsu, and always need him to be a big part of his life. but he understands what he's saying too.] I wish you were going through it with me. Not that - you're probably not ready for that. [minsu wasn't either until it happened. he groans before pressing his face against him.] Can't you get a girlfriend too and rely a little too much on the rhythm method? I'd really appreciate it!
No offense, but — pass! [ he giggles, finding it easier to joke about this than consider having a child. that's not something he ever saw for himself, especially not after the war.
he sighs, carding his fingers through minsu's hair again, letting him press his face against him. ]
It really would be nice if we were entering this adventure at the same time. [ his words are soft, his tone wistful. that would be so perfect, he thinks. they would keep being mirrors of each other, and he wouldn't be so afraid to be left behind, to not understand, that their bond will change and break because he doesn't know what minsu's life is like anymore.
it's already hard. there's magic in him now, and junsu still doesn't have any. ]
[minsu laughs along with him. it's a fair response. he's always liked kids, but he hadn't given any thought to having one of his own. until the surprise.]
We kind of are. You're always with me. You're always a part of me.
[it's true, and minsu believes it, but he desperately wants to believe it too. convincing himself that if they're not mirrors, it's because they're one and the same. he pouts a little, finding junsus hand and lacing their fingers together.]
Remember that idea we had about borrowing one of sage's books? We could still do that. We could make our own bond, a best friends bond, if you wanted.
[ junsu's eyes snap up to meet minsu's. he goes still. ]
Really? You...
[ junsu bites his lip. it sounds like a dream, but minsu's not exactly had the best time, at first, with his bond with sage. with magic. and it scares junsu, too. they don't exactly know what they're doing, here, and with more experience dealing with the magic that came from a magical bond, even if it was never in him... he saw what it did to minsu. ]
You already have one with Sage, and it's... It was hard.
[ minsu shouldn't be taking risks like that when he's going to be a father. he has to be there, happy and healthy and safe. right? ]
[junsu's reaction, even reined in, tells him how he feels about the idea. and that makes minsu excited for it too. the only hesitation in him is for junsu's sake, even thinking that he might be scared about it.]
Only a little! And I wouldn't trade it for anything, and I know I'd feel the same way about one with you.
[and he likes to think that he's a little wiser now, knows better what to expect and can help junsu too.]
I wouldn't let anything hurt you, your boyfriends would hate me and start eating take-out all the time!
[pizza boxes and mcdonalds wrappers in his kitchen...it would break his heart.]
[ junsu worries his lower lip more, rolling it under his teeth, heart saying yes, mind coming up with so many reasons this is dangerous, risky, not safe, probably stupid, probably unfair to others they love. his feelings for minsu have become such a normal thing that they're hardly there anymore, not like they used to be. he loves him with everything he is, but he's accepted minsu doesn't feel like that, and is happy with someone else, but is still in his life.
he was scared of losing him, with all these changes. not jealous. just terrified things would change between them more than they have, until they were barely the same person anymore.
a bond would prevent that. it would tie them together. he wouldn't have to be scared.
but kwang and hojoon and sage might be upset with them. it might go wrong. minsu has a baby on the way. ]
[minsu's scared too, even if he knows that nothing could really come between them if they didn't let it. that they could still make time for each other in between boyfriends and babies. even if he knows that he's still the same person that he's always been, and believes that junsu is too.
but this bond would be something of a...not a shortcut, necessarily. but a commitment. a way of minsu saying that he's as serious about their relationship as he is about the other big one in his life. it could be something that they both take comfort from.]
Yeah. I mean, basically. [basically.] I know the book that it's in. We'd just have to tweak it for us.
[ junsu is quiet another moment. he wants this, really. it's a promise, and a bond that wouldn't be breakable. he wouldn't have to be scared. he would live knowing minsu wants him in his life forever. it would be comforting.
but magic is so volatile. in the stories he read it was as well, but he's grown to see it for himself, grown to fear it as he sought refuge in the strongest people he could find all while being aware of his helplessness against their strengths.
minsu is more than just minsu now. ]</small.
If it... if it goes wrong, what would happen to Sage and your baby?
[minsu is still just minsu. he's a reservoir for magic, but it's not his. he's not special, he just fell in love with someone who is. minsu himself is still just the slightly awkward boy who loves his friends and likes to show that love through hugs and his food.
he's found peace with that. he's happy about it.
junsu's question, good and fair as it is, brings a sheepish smile to his lips.]
Ah, the swamp will protect them no matter what. It would pop me like a balloon first!
[that was a joke. in hindsight, not a very funny one. and not an untrue statement to make.]
It could be just a small thing. It shouldn't affect them at all. If anything, some of your energy could go to the baby.
[ he takes minsu's hand in both of his, just holding it to his chest. ]
If something happens to you. And you were gone.
[ junsu would never be able to live with himself. sage would probably grow to hate him. he wouldn't get to have this precious baby in his life because he would know out of selfishness and greed, he took minsu away from them.
granted, something could happen to junsu, too. maybe he'd also be gone. ]
[minsu blinks a few times. nothing so terrible could happen, could it? it would come from a place of the purest intentions. but sometimes those things do go wrong...
he looks at the worry on junsu's face, and it's hard not so share some of it.]
After the baby is born, then. When things go back to normal. I can even ask Sage!
[ especially if they ask sage for help, then he's far less worried. sage will know what to do, and how to make it safe. they could really have a special bond, and it wouldn't be a scary, risk filled thing.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ junsu grins, scooting over and patting the spot next to him on the bed, giggling at the display for his pjs. ]
They're really cute, just like you.
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[minsu smiles before crawling into his bed, head finding junsu's shoulder the way it always does.]
Sympathy eating. And not as much exercise. [he sighs dramatically.] Goodbye sex appeal.
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So soft. Trust me, this doesn't take away from your sex appeal to Sage.
[ his arm moves around minsu's middle to hold him there. it's funny how he doesn't think about him that way as often as he used to, but when prompted to, it comes right back to the surface. of course minsu's still hot. and he can imagine for sage it's a whole other story. ]
You're doing this because you care so much about him and what he's going through. It's instinctual. That's kinda sexy.
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[but he still smiles at the reassurance, grateful for it. junsu's good at that, especially lately. minsu blinks at him fondly, eyelids heavy.]
It's like something from the Discovery Channel. [he starts to laugh, thinking about the "mating dance" that sage wasn't too impressed with. but dabbing probably has worn out its welcome.] Maybe we should read Tarzan - was that ever a book?
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[ junsu starts playing with minsu's hair, soft fingertips carding through strands, the smell of him the same as the first time they were that close. things are changing, but that doesn't mean they are, right? he's so scared of that, but minsu's gift to him said the opposite of what he was fearing. he's wearing it around his neck right now, even.
but it's still scary. and he'd missed minsu, too. ]
I'm happy you're here.
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[minsu almost sounds surprised. he's been so quick to be the one giving affection lately, but maybe he can allow himself to be on the receiving end too. just a little bit.]
Me too. [he means it so much, and not just for the sweet feeling of junsu's fingers in his hair. junsu is a part of him and always will be. his eyes drop to the necklace before he grins, holding his own up.] Do you like it? I was worried that matching best friend necklaces might seem a little childish. But I never had anyone to give one to in elementary school!
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he grins wide at the necklace around minsu's neck. ]
I love it. I never had anyone like that either. Never had a best friend like you.
[ he smiles, fond and loving. ]
I'm gonna wear it every day.
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[to the part about a best friend. to wearing his necklace every day.]
And thank you for the kitchenware! It must have cost you a lot.
[but there's more to it than just the price. he knows that junsu instinctively knew the right brand to buy. he thinks he probably researched it, read reviews. probably asked a salesperson for help when he went to buy it. the thought of that is as much a gift as anything.]
What do you want me to cook for you with it?
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[ he shakes his head, laughing softly, but some of the humour fades out of it. ]
Anything you want. It's for you to cook for your family, too.
[ his hand stills in minsu's hair, and he worries at his bottom lip. ]
It felt kind of... like it wasn't enough. [ he did to research. he checked what minsu had, he looked up the best sets for a cook, the best brands, what would work best, what chefs liked, what each brand was better known for. he didn't pick something random out of a catalog.
but after seeing minsu's gift, it felt cheap. a little impersonal. he thinks he might have tried to do that, subconsciously. create distance, before the distance created itself further. knowing if they didnt live together, maybe minsu would already have drifted from him. not because minsu is that kind of person, but because of life and circumstances. ]
I'm sorry. Your gift was so thoughtful, I — it made me feel a lot, honey. It was about us.
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[he's not sure if junsu meant it any other way, but minsu can't imagine his life without junsu any more than he could imagine it without sage. he worries, sometimes, about one of his boyfriends taking him away. it's a selfish fear, but it still breaks his heart.]
Are you kidding, it was perfect!
[he looks surprised, then smiles and wiggles closer.]
It's what I love doing more than anything. It's how I show people that I love them, when I used to-
[he doesn't need to finish that, and not with junsu of all people, who understands better than anyone.]
That's why I haven't used them yet. I want to use them for us first!
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but he isn't. not that minsu ever made junsu feel that way, it was just a fear, thinking about all the things in minsu's life he doesn't know or understand, how before all this he felt like minsu was a part of him from how intensely they shared the things they felt and the experiences they'd had.
family. that's so big. he sniffles. ]
You're my family too. [ he kisses minsu's cheek, then the other. ] I love you. I would love it if you cooked for me in those.
[ he pulls minsu close, hiding his face against his shoulder. ]
I would really love that. I was just scared, I guess, and then your gift made me feel better about that but not about what I picked out for you.
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[minus teases, dabbing the edges of junsu's wet eye with the edge of sleeve. his own vision gets a little blurry as he does it. more sympathy feelings, he'd guess.]
Hearing that makes me happy. [he sounds as relieved as he does happy, not that he'd been given a reason to doubt it either. but he's been worried too, when he suddenly realized that a day, two days had passed without him seeing or talking to junsu. it was unthinkable once. it feels unnatural even now, and all minsu could think to do to fix it was come running to junsu's room.]
Those twins don't have anything on how close we are!
[he squeezes him, then takes his turn stroking a hand against junsu's hair.]
They might be sexier though. I'm not sure.
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Okay, no crying. [ that's not a promise, because he's got waterworks for eyes. but it's an attempt!
he nudges minsu lightly, making playful eyes at him. ] We have our own kind of sexiness, anyway.
[ he'd like to see them beat their awkward, earnest charm!!!
junsu sobers up a little, cupping minsu's cheek with his hand. he feels better. a lot better. he missed minsu. ]
Thank you. I know your life is — changing in a lot of ways. I want to be there for you. Even if it's scary to watch you live all these things I haven't.
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[he's still hot! he could still turn heads! the fact that he's not looking to do that anymore is beside the point. and minsu knows for sure that junsu could too.
he smiles at the touch against his cheek, turning a little more serious.]
Some things are never going to change. [he will always love junsu, and always need him to be a big part of his life. but he understands what he's saying too.] I wish you were going through it with me. Not that - you're probably not ready for that. [minsu wasn't either until it happened. he groans before pressing his face against him.] Can't you get a girlfriend too and rely a little too much on the rhythm method? I'd really appreciate it!
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he sighs, carding his fingers through minsu's hair again, letting him press his face against him. ]
It really would be nice if we were entering this adventure at the same time. [ his words are soft, his tone wistful. that would be so perfect, he thinks. they would keep being mirrors of each other, and he wouldn't be so afraid to be left behind, to not understand, that their bond will change and break because he doesn't know what minsu's life is like anymore.
it's already hard. there's magic in him now, and junsu still doesn't have any. ]
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We kind of are. You're always with me. You're always a part of me.
[it's true, and minsu believes it, but he desperately wants to believe it too. convincing himself that if they're not mirrors, it's because they're one and the same. he pouts a little, finding junsus hand and lacing their fingers together.]
Remember that idea we had about borrowing one of sage's books? We could still do that. We could make our own bond, a best friends bond, if you wanted.
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Really? You...
[ junsu bites his lip. it sounds like a dream, but minsu's not exactly had the best time, at first, with his bond with sage. with magic. and it scares junsu, too. they don't exactly know what they're doing, here, and with more experience dealing with the magic that came from a magical bond, even if it was never in him... he saw what it did to minsu. ]
You already have one with Sage, and it's... It was hard.
[ minsu shouldn't be taking risks like that when he's going to be a father. he has to be there, happy and healthy and safe. right? ]
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Only a little! And I wouldn't trade it for anything, and I know I'd feel the same way about one with you.
[and he likes to think that he's a little wiser now, knows better what to expect and can help junsu too.]
I wouldn't let anything hurt you, your boyfriends would hate me and start eating take-out all the time!
[pizza boxes and mcdonalds wrappers in his kitchen...it would break his heart.]
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he was scared of losing him, with all these changes. not jealous. just terrified things would change between them more than they have, until they were barely the same person anymore.
a bond would prevent that. it would tie them together. he wouldn't have to be scared.
but kwang and hojoon and sage might be upset with them. it might go wrong. minsu has a baby on the way. ]
You know how to do it? You know how?
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but this bond would be something of a...not a shortcut, necessarily. but a commitment. a way of minsu saying that he's as serious about their relationship as he is about the other big one in his life. it could be something that they both take comfort from.]
Yeah. I mean, basically. [basically.] I know the book that it's in. We'd just have to tweak it for us.
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but magic is so volatile. in the stories he read it was as well, but he's grown to see it for himself, grown to fear it as he sought refuge in the strongest people he could find all while being aware of his helplessness against their strengths.
minsu is more than just minsu now. ]</small. If it... if it goes wrong, what would happen to Sage and your baby?
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he's found peace with that. he's happy about it.
junsu's question, good and fair as it is, brings a sheepish smile to his lips.]
Ah, the swamp will protect them no matter what. It would pop me like a balloon first!
[that was a joke. in hindsight, not a very funny one. and not an untrue statement to make.]
It could be just a small thing. It shouldn't affect them at all. If anything, some of your energy could go to the baby.
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[ he takes minsu's hand in both of his, just holding it to his chest. ]
If something happens to you. And you were gone.
[ junsu would never be able to live with himself. sage would probably grow to hate him. he wouldn't get to have this precious baby in his life because he would know out of selfishness and greed, he took minsu away from them.
granted, something could happen to junsu, too. maybe he'd also be gone. ]
It doesn't sound like it would be small.
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he looks at the worry on junsu's face, and it's hard not so share some of it.]
After the baby is born, then. When things go back to normal. I can even ask Sage!
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Okay. We can try after.
[ especially if they ask sage for help, then he's far less worried. sage will know what to do, and how to make it safe. they could really have a special bond, and it wouldn't be a scary, risk filled thing.
junsu smiles. ]
I would like that.
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