[ it hurts, but he can't blame kwang for questioning everything. if he can lie about that, if he can sit quietly and not correct him when kwang admits he never shows this to humans, then what else could he lie about?
everything. anything.
he hiccups, wipes at his face some more, furiously wishes he could stop crying. ]
All of it was real. It was real, I promise.
[ he looks up at kwang, scared to see the look on his face, wanting to curl away from it. but he holds his eyes steady, because this is important, even if kwang might choose not to believe it. or decide it's not enough. ]
[ Kwang's jaw clenches at the words, because it's not like he's suddenly stopped feeling it, himself. It's not like the truth has made him stop loving Junsu all of a sudden. But it hurts, it hurts. For a moment, he's right back in that cell, with a collar around his neck, and the impossibility to stop loving Xylnan, even when he wanted to.
It's not the same, it can't be the same, he won't let it be the same, Junsu's not the same, but fuck. ]
I need some air. I'm - I need to process.
[ He doesn't plan on it being some kind of farewell. But he does need to - think about this. Let his wheels turn, because right now, right now he's just hurt and he can't think. ]
[ junsu wants to beg him not to go, but he's scared. scared it won't work. scared kwang will just leave anyway. scared it would be cruel of him to trap him like that given what he knows. someone tricked kwang like this once. into loving him. and then put him in a cage.
he must be reminding kwang of this person, right now.
junsu feels queasy. he can't ask anything of kwang when it makes him nauseous just to think of this situation and how it compares to kwang's difficult past. how must kwang be feeling? immensely worse. betrayed. hurt. angry. everything.
he almost wants to ask him to say it. he would deserve it, whatever it is kwang wants to avoid regretting. goes to show even after junsu breaks his heart, kwang still wants to be good to him. ]
Yeah, I — Okay.
[ there's nothing else for him to say, short of begging. he can't stomach doing that to kwang right now. if he needs space he should have it, like he was so good about offering junsu space when he put some distance between them before. he can't do anything that wouldn't make him feel more awful about himself than he already does. he didn't want to hurt kwang and he did. so he has to face those consequences. he has to let him go. ]
[ Kwang nods, brushing tears out of his eyes, too. There's a small part of him that wants to stay, want to see if Junsu will beg.
But no - it would not be fair, on either of them. He needs to go, and so he does, walking out of Junsu's room and straight out of the house, not stopping for anyone or anything until he's able to spread his wings and take off for a while. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
everything. anything.
he hiccups, wipes at his face some more, furiously wishes he could stop crying. ]
All of it was real. It was real, I promise.
[ he looks up at kwang, scared to see the look on his face, wanting to curl away from it. but he holds his eyes steady, because this is important, even if kwang might choose not to believe it. or decide it's not enough. ]
I didn't pretend. I love you.
no subject
It's not the same, it can't be the same, he won't let it be the same, Junsu's not the same, but fuck. ]
I need some air. I'm - I need to process.
[ He doesn't plan on it being some kind of farewell. But he does need to - think about this. Let his wheels turn, because right now, right now he's just hurt and he can't think. ]
I need to go before I say something I regret.
no subject
he must be reminding kwang of this person, right now.
junsu feels queasy. he can't ask anything of kwang when it makes him nauseous just to think of this situation and how it compares to kwang's difficult past. how must kwang be feeling? immensely worse. betrayed. hurt. angry. everything.
he almost wants to ask him to say it. he would deserve it, whatever it is kwang wants to avoid regretting. goes to show even after junsu breaks his heart, kwang still wants to be good to him. ]
Yeah, I — Okay.
[ there's nothing else for him to say, short of begging. he can't stomach doing that to kwang right now. if he needs space he should have it, like he was so good about offering junsu space when he put some distance between them before. he can't do anything that wouldn't make him feel more awful about himself than he already does. he didn't want to hurt kwang and he did. so he has to face those consequences. he has to let him go. ]
/scene
But no - it would not be fair, on either of them. He needs to go, and so he does, walking out of Junsu's room and straight out of the house, not stopping for anyone or anything until he's able to spread his wings and take off for a while. ]