i think so. i'm letting the unresolved things get in the way! that's it. maybe i just need to say things clearly and figure out what to do after that. if i clear my own head, maybe i can help him more!
i guess i'll have to think about it. it's obviously something that's tough for me, or else i would've just done it, right? and not bothered kwang so much! aside from the fact that i was being such a pain to him, it's sort of funny in hindsight.
i dont know... i feel like i think i can handle everything until i cant anymore. theres been a lot of changes lately, and it piles up. myung and dal, minsu and sage and the baby, kwang and hojoon maybe trying things, hojoon not... not seeing things the right way
you're right, there have been a lot of changes. it's hard to know how to look at one thing at a time when everything's rushing at us all the sudden. or feels that way?
if one thing falls over, it's easy enough to reach for it and pick it up, but eventually you run out of hands.
yeah. they're big on their own and bigger combined, i guess? and some of them have a more long lasting effect. i have to make sure hojoon understands i love him as much as kwang and that i dont love him less, i have to make sure kwang is okay now and that hojoon is too because they're both upset, and everything with minsu and sage
i try to keep up and not get in anyones way. i do my best
you're worrying about lots of things. and i can see why. they're people you love, so you want them to be well and happy.
i don't know if i have good advice. i really wish i did. i guess the only thing i know to say is make sure you remember you're part of the picture too. it's probably a good idea to be selfish about your own feelings sometimes.
its okay. i think i can figure it out. i was just... upset to learn all this time hojoon saw our relationship differently than i did, and im not sure how to make him really see it the way it actually is for me. i dont know that he can understand, so i want to focus on us two to make him see it the best i can
that is tough. i don't mean this in a bad way about him, i promise, it's hard for anyone, right? hard to understand what you don't understand, basically.
if you thought things were one way and he thought another, or even if you didn't know you thought those things, as long as nothing happened that would make you look at the way the other one felt, it wouldn't be weird if you didn't know, right?
yeah. i mean, i didnt get it before either. ive never been with more than one person. ive never been in love like i am before i came here. so i get it, but it's hard to know how to make it feel right for him without having to do something i dont want to do.
kind of... i think i get your point. its like i didnt know at all he had this thought in his head about us but he did the whole time, when i thought we were on the same page. and now i want him to really feel like what he thought isnt true.
right. that's the hard part. once you know about it, what can you do?
i think loving him the same way you always have is good. i mean, if your feelings don't change, then the way you show them doesn't have to change either, right? it can grow naturally and then i think things tend to evolve, but i don't think you have to change directions to let him know you love him in a way that's totally unique to him!
i love people in different ways, but one's not less than the other. it's all big, it's all important.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
and stop bugging you about it too! i really just wanted to text you about doing something nice for kwang, i promise. sorry.
no subject
youre not bugging me. its okay.
no subject
thank you, junsu. you're very patient.
no subject
its okay. i know what its like to have a lot going on and it just needs to go somewhere
no subject
i hope.
has that happened to you a lot? getting a little overwhelmed?
no subject
yeah... i get overwhelmed easily. i might not show it, i guess. but little things add up that make me nervous and then it throws off everything
no subject
or is it surprising when it gets to the place where it's overwhelming?
no subject
no subject
if one thing falls over, it's easy enough to reach for it and pick it up, but eventually you run out of hands.
no subject
i try to keep up and not get in anyones way. i do my best
no subject
i don't know if i have good advice. i really wish i did. i guess the only thing i know to say is make sure you remember you're part of the picture too. it's probably a good idea to be selfish about your own feelings sometimes.
no subject
its okay. i think i can figure it out. i was just... upset to learn all this time hojoon saw our relationship differently than i did, and im not sure how to make him really see it the way it actually is for me. i dont know that he can understand, so i want to focus on us two to make him see it the best i can
no subject
if you thought things were one way and he thought another, or even if you didn't know you thought those things, as long as nothing happened that would make you look at the way the other one felt, it wouldn't be weird if you didn't know, right?
not sure that made sense. it did in my head.
no subject
kind of... i think i get your point. its like i didnt know at all he had this thought in his head about us but he did the whole time, when i thought we were on the same page. and now i want him to really feel like what he thought isnt true.
no subject
i think loving him the same way you always have is good. i mean, if your feelings don't change, then the way you show them doesn't have to change either, right? it can grow naturally and then i think things tend to evolve, but i don't think you have to change directions to let him know you love him in a way that's totally unique to him!
i love people in different ways, but one's not less than the other. it's all big, it's all important.