You're assuming it would get through my thick skull no matter how well you explained it.
[joon smiles, brushing at some more of those tears with the backs of his fingers. he'd meant it as a joke, a way to hopefully make him laugh, but maybe that's not very reassuring. hojoon might be comfortable simply accepting, but others might not be.]
So... [he frowns, looking down for a moment.] If you want to spend your life with him and you want to spend your life with me, what would happen if our lives went in separate ways.
[ he does smile a bit, but it's weak. he'd been too selfish. he should have thought that this would be hard for hojoon, when it was hard for him. when he's had a lot of different experiences, even had relationships before the war, and never lost a significant other like joon did.
he loves him so much, though. he isn't sure it would do any good to let him go, for either of them. but maybe he's not seeing things clearly because of how attached he is.
he doesn't like that question, because there's no answer. he doesn't think about hypotheticals like that. ]
[hojoon makes a little sound before nodding. he thought it might be something like that. it's not a thing joon would normally think about either, if he swore himself to junsu the way he swore himself to the family. but that was more as a servant, and he knows junsu wouldn't want that either.]
I'm sure we would. Three heads are better than one, right? But that'll never happen anyway. [joon leans in, gently bumping his forehead against junsu's.] I think you're stuck with me.
[ junsu sniffles and laughs softly, pressing his forehead against joon's. ]
Please. [ it's a plea, because he wants that to be true. his hands curl in hojoon's shirt, keeping him close, then wind around his neck, finding his lips for a quick kiss. ] I want to be stuck with you. I want to be with you.
I'll need someone to keep me company, since I'm losing my brother to that little sakura twig.
[hojoon smiles though. he hopes junsu always needs him this much, always wants him around. the future is scary if he thinks about it too much. not just his own, but hojin's too. they had a place where they thought they'd be forever.
he really hopes that junsu is that place for him now.]
[ junsu giggles and gently nudges hojoon for that. sakura twig! he's sure hojoon will soften up to him eventually, though he doesn't say as much. also, that nudge is for thinking he's losing his brother.
he takes hojoon's face in his hands. ]
Of course not! I'll be old right next to you. And Jin won't be far.
[ at least, that's the ideal. what he hopes for. ]
[he means it in the best possible way! hojoon blinks, pretty much letting his head settle and rest in junsu's hands. maybe jin won't wander off to have his own life, but he won't blame him if he does.]
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[joon smiles, brushing at some more of those tears with the backs of his fingers. he'd meant it as a joke, a way to hopefully make him laugh, but maybe that's not very reassuring. hojoon might be comfortable simply accepting, but others might not be.]
So... [he frowns, looking down for a moment.] If you want to spend your life with him and you want to spend your life with me, what would happen if our lives went in separate ways.
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he loves him so much, though. he isn't sure it would do any good to let him go, for either of them. but maybe he's not seeing things clearly because of how attached he is.
he doesn't like that question, because there's no answer. he doesn't think about hypotheticals like that. ]
We'd have to figure it out together.
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I'm sure we would. Three heads are better than one, right? But that'll never happen anyway. [joon leans in, gently bumping his forehead against junsu's.] I think you're stuck with me.
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Please. [ it's a plea, because he wants that to be true. his hands curl in hojoon's shirt, keeping him close, then wind around his neck, finding his lips for a quick kiss. ] I want to be stuck with you. I want to be with you.
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[hojoon smiles though. he hopes junsu always needs him this much, always wants him around. the future is scary if he thinks about it too much. not just his own, but hojin's too. they had a place where they thought they'd be forever.
he really hopes that junsu is that place for him now.]
You won't forsake me in my old age, will you?
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he takes hojoon's face in his hands. ]
Of course not! I'll be old right next to you. And Jin won't be far.
[ at least, that's the ideal. what he hopes for. ]
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That sounds like a happy life to me.
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[ junsu watches joon a few seconds more then leans in to kiss him. how could he not, when he's basically present his face for him to hold?
and given what they're talking about. growing old together, it's no small thing. but it feels right and easy to say as much. ]
We can have that. We will have that.