[ but he if thinks about it too much he'll get too sad, and he doesn't want myung to worry or have to deal with that. he's going after what he wants and he's been so much happier lately and junsu refuses to put a stain on that.
though... now would be a good time to say what he's been meaning to. ]
Hey, baby. I've been meaning to tell you something.
[ Myung smiles, taking a deep breath, inhaling Junsu in. He hopes they can still do this, to an extent - the cuddling, the easy intimacy. Just. Clothed.
It's just an adjustment, is all.
He opens his eyes, pulling back to give Junsu all of his attention. ]
[ this is easier to admit than the truth. though it's becoming easier and easier to say it, lately. that's why he wants to say something. he's tired of lying, of the anxiety of someone finding out. he's safe here. no one will kick him out, and his boyfriends will protect him if he needs it.
and he trusts myung. ]
I'm not... I'm human. [ he hasn't really said it in such a straightforward way outloud before. well, not counting when he said it as he was dragged to jail. this is willingly. ]
[ The first few words make Myung's stomach sink. That never bodes well, to start with those. But he doesn't waver, keeps looking at Junsu. He knows how it is, to want to keep secrets. To buy things down to try and not let them burden you so much you can barely live.
But then Junsu says the words, and Myung blinks, relief exploding in his chest. He lets out a noise, before pulling Junsu in his arms, hugging him tight. ]
Shit, I thought you were going to say you're leaving, or you're dying, or something fucking awful.
[ He grins in the crook of Junsu's neck, as he shrugs. ]
Sorry, I didn't mean to make it so dramatic, I just —
[ he holds onto myung tightly, buries his face against his shoulder. it feels good to say it, and it also feels awful. ]
I hate that I'm human and lied about it for so long and got really good at convincing myself no one would love me if they knew.
[ which he knows better now is ridiculous. kwang loves him. hojoon loves him. minsu loves him. what he is doesn't change that at all for any of them. so he shouldn't let it change it for himself either. ]
[ Myung shakes his head, holding on so tight his fingertips are turning white, and then he moves, kissing up Junsu's neck, his cheek. He stops just shy of his lips, breathing hard. They're very close. ]
I love you. [ In a lot of ways, he does. It's not just about the sex and Junsu needs to hear it. He could have loved Junsu as a lover, as a boyfriend, maybe, potentially. Circumstances change things, but Myung still loves Junsu, as a friend, someone he trusts, someone that's become intrinsic to Myung's happiness. ]
You're absolutely fine just the way you are. I'd change nothing.
[ junsu's almost going for it, out of habit. he doesn't, but it makes him want that kiss more. so do those words. the part of him he recognizes now as unhealthy wants to ask if that's true, then why is myung choosing someone else, someone who needs them to not be there for each other they way they have.
the part of him that has his feet to the earth understands you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways. ]
Thank you.
[ his hand cups myung's face, pressing his forehead against his. ]
I love you too.
[ he takes in a shaky breath. he knows he shouldn't ask. ]
[ Myung's learning that, himself. That love comes in all sorts of shapes and flavors and it can be shown and understood in a myriad of ways. What he's starting to feel for Dal is its own thing, completely separate to how he feels for Junsu. How he feels for Minsu. How he feels for Dae, for Sage, for Ten.
He loves lots of people, and he loves them all in different ways. It's taking him a while, but he's getting there. And it feels good to hear the words said back to him. He doesn't care what Junsu is. He never has, and he's not going to start now.
[ myung's smile makes junsu smile in turn. he'd been worried it was overstepping, to ask. but he knew all too well what it was like not to have known a kiss was the last, and wanting badly to have had a chance to really remember it, to know it had to be imprinted into his memory.
his hand comes to the side of myung's face, and he closes the distance between them, kissing him softly. he doesn't want things to get desperate or sad, but he wants it to be a kiss that counts. so the emotion is there, in the slow intake of breath, the way he surges into it and finds that perfect fit of their lips. ]
[ Myung likes the idea of one last kiss. It feels like a promise, one where they're both okay and they're both happy and they can think of this sometimes as something good. He has no regrets, when it comes to Junsu. None whatsoever; they've been good for each other.
So one last kiss feels like a good way to say goodbye to this part of their relationship. It's a little bittersweet, but it's also soft and slow and sweet. Myung leans into it, tilts his head just so and licks at Junsu's lips, a small contented noise escaping him as he slides a hand into Junsu's hair.
[ against his better judgement, junsu parts his lips and presses into the kiss a little more insistently and deepens it. not too much. just enough so myung can't forget how it feels to kiss him and so junsu can remember this as it usually is, the way they usually kiss. when their mouths part, he doesn't move too far away, his nose touching myung's, his eyes closed. ]
I'll miss doing this with you. [ he smiles, soft and fond and sad too. ] I can't even threaten to kick Dal's ass if he doesn't treat you right because I know he'll do a good job. He's what you need.
[ Myung lets out a tiny noise when the kiss deepens, his natural instinct being to fit himself closer, but then, as soon as it started, it's over, and Myung keeps his eyes closed a little longer than necessary once they pull back, licking his lips and tasting Junsu there.
Myung's smile is a little sad, too, when he finally snaps out of his reverie, and looks back at Junsu, thumb brushing his cheek. ]
Me too. [ He chuckles. In plenty of ways, he agrees - just the rhythm they've set, the time they've been taking getting to know each other instead of jumping straight into bed, just that, in how different it is for Myung, it has felt like exactly what he needed.
But it's still good to hear it from other people, especially someone like Junsu, who gets Myung and his needs and how fucked up he can be better than most. ] You think?
I don't just think. I know it. That's my magic power.
[ he smiles. that's a joke, obviously. not one he'd make with just anyone, but myung... is myung. junsu will have to change how he fits into his life, but he doesn't want myung to become less important, and so he won't. he's still someone junsu trusts and loves and wants in his life. someone he can now make jokes about non existent magic powers now. ]
You're going to be good for each other, and you're going to be happy.
[ Myung chuckles, thumb brushing the side of Junsu's neck. He feels the same way, in that Junsu is way too important for him to be okay with things changing, and so - they'll manage, one way or another. They'll find the way they can be friends without the sex. Myung's done it before, and he can do it again. ]
Thank you. I hope so. I'll do my best to make him happy, anyway.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ but he if thinks about it too much he'll get too sad, and he doesn't want myung to worry or have to deal with that. he's going after what he wants and he's been so much happier lately and junsu refuses to put a stain on that.
though... now would be a good time to say what he's been meaning to. ]
Hey, baby. I've been meaning to tell you something.
no subject
It's just an adjustment, is all.
He opens his eyes, pulling back to give Junsu all of his attention. ]
Yeah? I'm listening.
no subject
[ this is easier to admit than the truth. though it's becoming easier and easier to say it, lately. that's why he wants to say something. he's tired of lying, of the anxiety of someone finding out. he's safe here. no one will kick him out, and his boyfriends will protect him if he needs it.
and he trusts myung. ]
I'm not... I'm human. [ he hasn't really said it in such a straightforward way outloud before. well, not counting when he said it as he was dragged to jail. this is willingly. ]
no subject
But then Junsu says the words, and Myung blinks, relief exploding in his chest. He lets out a noise, before pulling Junsu in his arms, hugging him tight. ]
Shit, I thought you were going to say you're leaving, or you're dying, or something fucking awful.
[ He grins in the crook of Junsu's neck, as he shrugs. ]
I don't give a shit. You're Junsu.
no subject
[ he holds onto myung tightly, buries his face against his shoulder. it feels good to say it, and it also feels awful. ]
I hate that I'm human and lied about it for so long and got really good at convincing myself no one would love me if they knew.
[ which he knows better now is ridiculous. kwang loves him. hojoon loves him. minsu loves him. what he is doesn't change that at all for any of them. so he shouldn't let it change it for himself either. ]
no subject
I love you. [ In a lot of ways, he does. It's not just about the sex and Junsu needs to hear it. He could have loved Junsu as a lover, as a boyfriend, maybe, potentially. Circumstances change things, but Myung still loves Junsu, as a friend, someone he trusts, someone that's become intrinsic to Myung's happiness. ]
You're absolutely fine just the way you are. I'd change nothing.
no subject
the part of him that has his feet to the earth understands you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways. ]
Thank you.
[ his hand cups myung's face, pressing his forehead against his. ]
I love you too.
[ he takes in a shaky breath. he knows he shouldn't ask. ]
Can I kiss you? One last time?
no subject
He loves lots of people, and he loves them all in different ways. It's taking him a while, but he's getting there. And it feels good to hear the words said back to him. He doesn't care what Junsu is. He never has, and he's not going to start now.
Myung smiles, exhales a bit loud. ]
Yeah. Yeah, please.
no subject
his hand comes to the side of myung's face, and he closes the distance between them, kissing him softly. he doesn't want things to get desperate or sad, but he wants it to be a kiss that counts. so the emotion is there, in the slow intake of breath, the way he surges into it and finds that perfect fit of their lips. ]
no subject
So one last kiss feels like a good way to say goodbye to this part of their relationship. It's a little bittersweet, but it's also soft and slow and sweet. Myung leans into it, tilts his head just so and licks at Junsu's lips, a small contented noise escaping him as he slides a hand into Junsu's hair.
It's pretty meaningful. ]
no subject
I'll miss doing this with you. [ he smiles, soft and fond and sad too. ] I can't even threaten to kick Dal's ass if he doesn't treat you right because I know he'll do a good job. He's what you need.
no subject
Myung's smile is a little sad, too, when he finally snaps out of his reverie, and looks back at Junsu, thumb brushing his cheek. ]
Me too. [ He chuckles. In plenty of ways, he agrees - just the rhythm they've set, the time they've been taking getting to know each other instead of jumping straight into bed, just that, in how different it is for Myung, it has felt like exactly what he needed.
But it's still good to hear it from other people, especially someone like Junsu, who gets Myung and his needs and how fucked up he can be better than most. ] You think?
no subject
[ he smiles. that's a joke, obviously. not one he'd make with just anyone, but myung... is myung. junsu will have to change how he fits into his life, but he doesn't want myung to become less important, and so he won't. he's still someone junsu trusts and loves and wants in his life. someone he can now make jokes about non existent magic powers now. ]
You're going to be good for each other, and you're going to be happy.
no subject
Thank you. I hope so. I'll do my best to make him happy, anyway.
[ He looks back up, smiling. ]
Thank you. [ He repeats, full of feeling. ]