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I see. I struggle with it also, though it never occurred to me that I would before I came here. I didn't make my own choices, so there was never a question of them being right or wrong. Who would expect me to accept the blame for something that I'd not chosen to do, as long as I did it well?
That's the fearful thing about freedom. I said it was stabilizing, but it's destabilizing as well.
That's the fearful thing about freedom. I said it was stabilizing, but it's destabilizing as well.
[there are plenty of likable, lovable beings in swamp house. that's part of the problem. because sometimes, when you start to like someone a little more, it can be that much harder to recognize.
it even fooled minsu for a minute, who likes to think that he knows his own feelings fairly well. minsu, who has trouble bottling his feelings up, because every time he tries it's like that bottle gets shaken and his feelings end up overflowing and making a mess.
he doesn't want to make a mess of this. it's so much nicer here than it is out in the rest of the world, practically a world of it's own, and he likes everyone, and-
and junsu smiles at him at breakfast, and his heart did such a thing that he ended up knocking over the juice and dumping a plate of eggs, and that...that was a real mess.
so he gathers his courage from all the corners inside of him that it had scattered to, harvests a little of his lavender, and knocks on his door.]
it even fooled minsu for a minute, who likes to think that he knows his own feelings fairly well. minsu, who has trouble bottling his feelings up, because every time he tries it's like that bottle gets shaken and his feelings end up overflowing and making a mess.
he doesn't want to make a mess of this. it's so much nicer here than it is out in the rest of the world, practically a world of it's own, and he likes everyone, and-
and junsu smiles at him at breakfast, and his heart did such a thing that he ended up knocking over the juice and dumping a plate of eggs, and that...that was a real mess.
so he gathers his courage from all the corners inside of him that it had scattered to, harvests a little of his lavender, and knocks on his door.]
[ junsu wasn't expecting anyone, but it's not unusual for people to come and go into his room, so he's got a warm smile on his face when he opens the door.
which widens significantly when he sees minsu standing there. he looks a little like he's glowing, even. his affection for minsu runs deeper than it should, he thinks sometimes, but he can't help it. he's different than the types junsu has misplaced feelings for, usually. he makes junsu laugh, and when he's with minsu his mind isn't all caught up in his own lie, terrified of letting something slip. he can really breathe around him.
so seeing him at his door unexpectedly is like a breath of fresh hair. ]
Hey, darling. Come in.
which widens significantly when he sees minsu standing there. he looks a little like he's glowing, even. his affection for minsu runs deeper than it should, he thinks sometimes, but he can't help it. he's different than the types junsu has misplaced feelings for, usually. he makes junsu laugh, and when he's with minsu his mind isn't all caught up in his own lie, terrified of letting something slip. he can really breathe around him.
so seeing him at his door unexpectedly is like a breath of fresh hair. ]
Hey, darling. Come in.
[minsu hesitates, but only because he's trying to remember the first time that his stomach did a funny little flip when junsu called him something like that, if it does it for anyone else. minsu's heard plenty of little terms of endearment like that, most of them insincere (he knew this, but gave them what they wanted anyway.)
it's not the same. it's different when junsu says it, and has been for awhile. he finally laughs and steps into his room.
and realizes then that dear god, he brought him a bouquet of lavender and why did he do that, it's so awkward.]
I just finished prepping for dinner and I...thought I'd come see you.
it's not the same. it's different when junsu says it, and has been for awhile. he finally laughs and steps into his room.
and realizes then that dear god, he brought him a bouquet of lavender and why did he do that, it's so awkward.]
I just finished prepping for dinner and I...thought I'd come see you.
[ not awkward at all. junsu's touch, pointing to the little cluster of lavender in minsu's hands. ]
Is that for me?
[ he looks pleased, happy. minsu thought of him. he not only came to see him, but he thought of him. his stomach's doing flips, too. ]
You can come see me whenever, you know. My door's always open for you. [ he would not say this to anyone else. it goes beyond the fact that minsu's human, honestly, if he thinks about it. he thinks he feels safe with minsu because he's not someone who would ever willingly hurt someone. more than anything he wants people happy and well fed. it's charming, and... inspirational? he's been so scared for his own life for so long that he thinks of everything in ways it can benefit him.
then minsu's there, and junsu just wants to do his best to make him smile. ]
Is that for me?
[ he looks pleased, happy. minsu thought of him. he not only came to see him, but he thought of him. his stomach's doing flips, too. ]
You can come see me whenever, you know. My door's always open for you. [ he would not say this to anyone else. it goes beyond the fact that minsu's human, honestly, if he thinks about it. he thinks he feels safe with minsu because he's not someone who would ever willingly hurt someone. more than anything he wants people happy and well fed. it's charming, and... inspirational? he's been so scared for his own life for so long that he thinks of everything in ways it can benefit him.
then minsu's there, and junsu just wants to do his best to make him smile. ]
Yeah!
[he laughs as he offers them, which he should've already done. but it's probably fine. minsu can be a little awkward and odd sometimes, the whole house has surely noticed and forgiven him for it. it's a part of being human.]
They smell nice, and they help you relax.
[and who doesn't like those two things. he drops his head, a touch bashful at junsu's invitation.]
Ah...I might take you up on that.
[he laughs as he offers them, which he should've already done. but it's probably fine. minsu can be a little awkward and odd sometimes, the whole house has surely noticed and forgiven him for it. it's a part of being human.]
They smell nice, and they help you relax.
[and who doesn't like those two things. he drops his head, a touch bashful at junsu's invitation.]
Ah...I might take you up on that.
Thank you.
[ junsu's smile is bigger than ever. he brings them to his face and takes a deep breath, smelling them with a nod before he carefully places them on the bedside table, so they'll smell good when he's lying down on the bed. speaking of... ]
Come sit with me, baby.
[ he takes minsu's hand, tugging him toward the bed. being around minsu and not touching him is kind of a struggle, whether it's a light touch, the press of shoulders, or something more charged and heated.
so he wants him close. the open door comment is partly selfish too. ]
Anytime, okay? Night or day, for you.
[ junsu's smile is bigger than ever. he brings them to his face and takes a deep breath, smelling them with a nod before he carefully places them on the bedside table, so they'll smell good when he's lying down on the bed. speaking of... ]
Come sit with me, baby.
[ he takes minsu's hand, tugging him toward the bed. being around minsu and not touching him is kind of a struggle, whether it's a light touch, the press of shoulders, or something more charged and heated.
so he wants him close. the open door comment is partly selfish too. ]
Anytime, okay? Night or day, for you.
Wow...
[it just slips out when junsu brings the flowers up and breathes them in. but it was beautiful, and junsu knows that he's beautiful, right? no biggie.
minsu never shrugs off a touch, especially not when it's a nice, welcomed one. junsu's always meet those qualifications and then some, causing something warm and exciting and new to tingle and stir inside of him. minsu's been blaming it on simple arousal, knowing well the difference all along.]
Okay. Oh, and - if you ever want me. Day or night.
[well that sounds exactly the way that minsu meant it and not. he doesn't want to take it back, he doesn't know how to untangle it.]
For anything. I just like being with you.
[it just slips out when junsu brings the flowers up and breathes them in. but it was beautiful, and junsu knows that he's beautiful, right? no biggie.
minsu never shrugs off a touch, especially not when it's a nice, welcomed one. junsu's always meet those qualifications and then some, causing something warm and exciting and new to tingle and stir inside of him. minsu's been blaming it on simple arousal, knowing well the difference all along.]
Okay. Oh, and - if you ever want me. Day or night.
[well that sounds exactly the way that minsu meant it and not. he doesn't want to take it back, he doesn't know how to untangle it.]
For anything. I just like being with you.
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