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Don't pout.
[ junsu says softly, but his heart is racing a little. he's scared, suddenly, that minsu will think about this or what it means, or ask him questions he can't answer.
or say something wonderful and devastating, like how he would have said yes. he doesn't want to hear anything like that, because he's been living this like it wouldn't have happened no matter what, that minsu never had romantic feelings for him. he needs that to stay true.
he pats minsu's cheek. ]
When Sage comes back, he better take you on one. Or I'll have a word with him.
[ junsu says softly, but his heart is racing a little. he's scared, suddenly, that minsu will think about this or what it means, or ask him questions he can't answer.
or say something wonderful and devastating, like how he would have said yes. he doesn't want to hear anything like that, because he's been living this like it wouldn't have happened no matter what, that minsu never had romantic feelings for him. he needs that to stay true.
he pats minsu's cheek. ]
When Sage comes back, he better take you on one. Or I'll have a word with him.
In a way, yeah. They're both all about strategy.
[joon sets the board between them, handing a bag of white stones to junsu, taking a bag of black stones for himself. as he starts explaining the rules about surrounding your opponent's stones, using your own to claim territory, he thinks this was a good idea after all. he gets immersed in it. go is a game that requires one's head. there's no place for the heart.
until he places his first black stone on the board, and the familiarity, the memories, they almost make him dizzy. joon breathes out too heavily, and glances up to see if the other noticed.]
[joon sets the board between them, handing a bag of white stones to junsu, taking a bag of black stones for himself. as he starts explaining the rules about surrounding your opponent's stones, using your own to claim territory, he thinks this was a good idea after all. he gets immersed in it. go is a game that requires one's head. there's no place for the heart.
until he places his first black stone on the board, and the familiarity, the memories, they almost make him dizzy. joon breathes out too heavily, and glances up to see if the other noticed.]
[ he does notice, but junsu only looks at him, giving him time to keep explaining and showing him. he's still worried, though, that something's wrong. he can't help but think it might just be him, but he doesn't get it.
he smiles, trying to inject some humour into it. ]
Am I a terrible student?
he smiles, trying to inject some humour into it. ]
Am I a terrible student?
You're the perfect student.
[junsu's thoughtful. he listens and he watches. those are all good traits for learning how to play the game, but they're the same ones that make joon ache every time junsu looks at him. every time he smiles at him with something going on behind his eyes.]
You can place a stone at any of these intersections. [joon points out a few examples, trying to stay in the game. trying to stay focused. but it's hard, and he knows that junsu sees that too. so he pauses for a moment.] Sorry. The last time I tried to teach someone this, he ended up beating me so bad that I had to leave the room with my tails between my legs. [like a dog. hojoon smiles a bit before looking up at him.] Guess I'm just afraid of that happening again.
[he's so afraid of all of it happening again. and he knows it could with junsu. he can feel it, no matter how much he keeps trying to dig a hole inside of himself to bury it.]
[junsu's thoughtful. he listens and he watches. those are all good traits for learning how to play the game, but they're the same ones that make joon ache every time junsu looks at him. every time he smiles at him with something going on behind his eyes.]
You can place a stone at any of these intersections. [joon points out a few examples, trying to stay in the game. trying to stay focused. but it's hard, and he knows that junsu sees that too. so he pauses for a moment.] Sorry. The last time I tried to teach someone this, he ended up beating me so bad that I had to leave the room with my tails between my legs. [like a dog. hojoon smiles a bit before looking up at him.] Guess I'm just afraid of that happening again.
[he's so afraid of all of it happening again. and he knows it could with junsu. he can feel it, no matter how much he keeps trying to dig a hole inside of himself to bury it.]
[he would've said yes. minsu wouldn't have had a reason in the world to say no, thinks he would've been happy and excited, and doesn't consider the butterfly effect of it.
what he wonders is why junsu didn't ask. what it was about minsu that made him hesitate. he wonders but he doesn't really want to know.]
The treehouse probably counts. [they go somewhere else together, it's romantic. isn't that what a date is? it doesn't really need the words "will you go out with me?", does it?] I just always imagine coffee shops and amusement parks. Movies and dinner.
[all the cliches that people who date a lot are probably bored of, but look different in the eyes of those who haven't.]
what he wonders is why junsu didn't ask. what it was about minsu that made him hesitate. he wonders but he doesn't really want to know.]
The treehouse probably counts. [they go somewhere else together, it's romantic. isn't that what a date is? it doesn't really need the words "will you go out with me?", does it?] I just always imagine coffee shops and amusement parks. Movies and dinner.
[all the cliches that people who date a lot are probably bored of, but look different in the eyes of those who haven't.]
[ he doesn't think that's it. it doesn't sound like that's it. maybe it's that he taught someone before, and it's bringing back memories. that feels possible, but he doesn't really know what it has to do with him, only that hojoon's afraid of something.
junsu wants to tell him it's okay. he reaches for his hand, touches it lightly, briefly. ]
We don't have to do this, you know.
junsu wants to tell him it's okay. he reaches for his hand, touches it lightly, briefly. ]
We don't have to do this, you know.
[ he's not sure the treehouse counts. it sounds like minsu wants something more typical, and that sounds fine to him. they sound like things minsu shouldn't even have to ask for. he gets that he might have to, though. the world has changed, and it's changed people, and people are scared and things like date have become a little less important in the grand scheme of things. ]
Yeah. Those are good dates.
[ he puts a hand on minsu's leg, reassuring. ]
The treehouse is one thing. If that's what you want, you should ask for it.
Yeah. Those are good dates.
[ he puts a hand on minsu's leg, reassuring. ]
The treehouse is one thing. If that's what you want, you should ask for it.
[he catches junsu's hand, his reflexes as sharp as his senses. sharper than his brain, apparently, because now he's caught in this moment, and he doesn't know what to do about it. he's divided on letting junsu go and pulling him closer.
looking up is sure to tip the balance. hojoon holds his breath, afraid of so many things at once. afraid that he'll look up and see haneul in junsu's place. or is it junsu in haneul's place? mostly, joon's afraid of the moments when junsu both reminds him and makes him forget. the way he does when he actually does look up.]
If we don't do this, then....what?
[it's mildly suggestive. but as weird as joon's been so far, junsu can't be blamed for not making any assumptions.]
looking up is sure to tip the balance. hojoon holds his breath, afraid of so many things at once. afraid that he'll look up and see haneul in junsu's place. or is it junsu in haneul's place? mostly, joon's afraid of the moments when junsu both reminds him and makes him forget. the way he does when he actually does look up.]
If we don't do this, then....what?
[it's mildly suggestive. but as weird as joon's been so far, junsu can't be blamed for not making any assumptions.]
There are other ways we can spend time together.
[ it's not as flirty as it normally would've been with someone else, but there's still something there. hojoon may be holding his hand, and he may be looking at junsu in a way that makes his breath catch.
but he's being careful, too. letting hojoon know if he just wants to be with someone, around someone, that's okay too. if all he needs is quiet company, junsu can give him that. doing nothing is an option.
but if he wants something, if he wants him...
his fingers shift, tugging on hojoon's hand as he moves away from the board. he pulls hojoon so they're closer, putting distance between them and the game. ]
[ it's not as flirty as it normally would've been with someone else, but there's still something there. hojoon may be holding his hand, and he may be looking at junsu in a way that makes his breath catch.
but he's being careful, too. letting hojoon know if he just wants to be with someone, around someone, that's okay too. if all he needs is quiet company, junsu can give him that. doing nothing is an option.
but if he wants something, if he wants him...
his fingers shift, tugging on hojoon's hand as he moves away from the board. he pulls hojoon so they're closer, putting distance between them and the game. ]
[joon's heart is pounding as he crosses over the board. he remembers a few games ending this way, with hojoon playfully complaining that this wasn't acceptable strategy. but it was winning strategy. it always worked.
it's working now too, but joon is letting it work. he's resisting the much wiser voices that are telling him to stop this before it goes too far. he's been shutting junsu out with every reminder of why it's a bad idea. but right now he's turning a deaf ear to them.]
That's all this really was. [hojoon murmurs, head down so that his pale bangs hide his eyes.] I wanted to spend time with you.
[it's like an echo, the past superimposing itself of the present. the present burying the past beneath it. he stops only when he's right up against junsu, fingers curling in the collar of his shirt to pull it down, to breathe in the scent of his neck. it breaks his heart a little, because junsu's scent is already becoming familiar. from now on, when he closes his eyes and breathes in, maybe haneul's won't be the one that comes to him so automatically.
but haneul had two scents, and one of them was burning, and that makes joon press his face even more against junsu's neck, inhaling him and biting, immediately pressing his lips against that spot because he shouldn't have. but it's too late now, and joon's eyes are little clouded when he does lift his head to press his mouth against the human's.]
it's working now too, but joon is letting it work. he's resisting the much wiser voices that are telling him to stop this before it goes too far. he's been shutting junsu out with every reminder of why it's a bad idea. but right now he's turning a deaf ear to them.]
That's all this really was. [hojoon murmurs, head down so that his pale bangs hide his eyes.] I wanted to spend time with you.
[it's like an echo, the past superimposing itself of the present. the present burying the past beneath it. he stops only when he's right up against junsu, fingers curling in the collar of his shirt to pull it down, to breathe in the scent of his neck. it breaks his heart a little, because junsu's scent is already becoming familiar. from now on, when he closes his eyes and breathes in, maybe haneul's won't be the one that comes to him so automatically.
but haneul had two scents, and one of them was burning, and that makes joon press his face even more against junsu's neck, inhaling him and biting, immediately pressing his lips against that spot because he shouldn't have. but it's too late now, and joon's eyes are little clouded when he does lift his head to press his mouth against the human's.]
I should.
[he knows junsu is right. sage is a witch, not a mind reader. and minsu's gotten better at communicating what he wants, which is something that his boyfriend has also told him to do, over and over again.
he wraps his arms around junsu like he's a teddy bear, cheek against his shoulder.]
I guess I'd just like to be asked. Which is stupid.
[he knows junsu is right. sage is a witch, not a mind reader. and minsu's gotten better at communicating what he wants, which is something that his boyfriend has also told him to do, over and over again.
he wraps his arms around junsu like he's a teddy bear, cheek against his shoulder.]
I guess I'd just like to be asked. Which is stupid.
[ junsu doesn't even ask him what he's doing. he just puts a hand on his back, lets him pull at his collar and bury his face there. his hand is still. the other curls in hojoon's shirt at his chest, keeping him right where he is. if he tries to pull away, to really move away, he'll hold him back.
it feels like that's important. holding on.
his breath hitches at the bite, the kiss, his heart hammering. hojoon isn't pushing him away. it's important, a fragile kind of moment he doesn't want to break. so he says nothing. just holds on.
and keeps doing so when their lips meet, kissing back softly, biting back a sound. as if hojoon might startle and snap out of it. junsu doesn't want him to. he likes this. likes the feel of his mouth against his own, and the taste of him when he parts his lips, just a little, letting hojoon decide if the kiss should be more. ]
it feels like that's important. holding on.
his breath hitches at the bite, the kiss, his heart hammering. hojoon isn't pushing him away. it's important, a fragile kind of moment he doesn't want to break. so he says nothing. just holds on.
and keeps doing so when their lips meet, kissing back softly, biting back a sound. as if hojoon might startle and snap out of it. junsu doesn't want him to. he likes this. likes the feel of his mouth against his own, and the taste of him when he parts his lips, just a little, letting hojoon decide if the kiss should be more. ]
[ junsu swallows. it's so not stupid. it's the opposite of stupid. it's sweet and cute and junsu wants to give him that, really badly. he puts his arms around minsu too, holding him back, staying close. ]
It's not stupid, honey.
[ he doesn't even understand why minsu isn't being asked on a date several times a day. it makes no sense to him, even prior to him being only with sage. ]
Has no one ever asked you?
It's not stupid, honey.
[ he doesn't even understand why minsu isn't being asked on a date several times a day. it makes no sense to him, even prior to him being only with sage. ]
Has no one ever asked you?
[everything is fragile for a moment. joon's still waging a war against himself, angry that he couldn't be stronger, not on that night and not tonight. the taste of junsu's mouth and the warmth of his body is like sinking into quicksand, but at some point joon's struggle shifts from trying to escape it to trying to sink all the way down.]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?
[he whispers it a bit breathlessly. what the fuck was he thinking, biting him without warning? biting him at all, for that matter. he doesn't remember ever doing that before. joon breaks away to kiss his neck once more in apology.
then he straddles the human, cupping his face and kissing him with parted lips to deepen the kiss.]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?
[he whispers it a bit breathlessly. what the fuck was he thinking, biting him without warning? biting him at all, for that matter. he doesn't remember ever doing that before. joon breaks away to kiss his neck once more in apology.
then he straddles the human, cupping his face and kissing him with parted lips to deepen the kiss.]
It's my own fault, you know.
[minsu shakes his head against his shoulder before sighing heavily.]
When you're just...putting yourself out there for one thing, people don't even consider anything else. I probably chased away dozens of people who would've asked me, because they weren't looking for something quick and easy.
[a pause.]
Well maybe not dozens, that sounds a little conceited.
[minsu shakes his head against his shoulder before sighing heavily.]
When you're just...putting yourself out there for one thing, people don't even consider anything else. I probably chased away dozens of people who would've asked me, because they weren't looking for something quick and easy.
[a pause.]
Well maybe not dozens, that sounds a little conceited.
[ junsu shakes his head, laughing softly, but it's not really funny. minsu's just being sweet. and humble. ]
I'd believe it.
[ he turns his head, kissing the top of minsu's. he smells so good. probably junsu's favorite smell. there's nothing foreign or magical about it. it's just human. just minsu.
he shouldn't do this. it hurts, and it's going to hurt. but his love for minsu, his desire to see him happy, to make him smile and laugh, that overpowers everything. ]
Hey, Minsu. Want to go on a friend date with me?
I'd believe it.
[ he turns his head, kissing the top of minsu's. he smells so good. probably junsu's favorite smell. there's nothing foreign or magical about it. it's just human. just minsu.
he shouldn't do this. it hurts, and it's going to hurt. but his love for minsu, his desire to see him happy, to make him smile and laugh, that overpowers everything. ]
Hey, Minsu. Want to go on a friend date with me?
[ junsu is almost frantic when hojoon pulls away, but he doesn't actually go anywhere. just kisses his neck. junsu's heart is in his throat for some reason. ]
No, no — It's okay. I like it.
[ his hands are on hojoon's waist now, and this time when the kiss deepens he lets himself moan into it, lets himself surge into the kiss as his fingers push up fabric to find skin. he hadn't thought he'd want hojoon this much, but now that they're kissing, now that he's in his lap, now that whatever was holding him back is gone, it's intense.
he kisses hojoon a little harder. a little more demanding, but like he's giving permission. saying it's fine. it's okay. if hojoon wants to climb into his lap, kiss into his mouth, take off his clothes. all of that. it's an invitation. his hand rests at the small of his back, skin to skin. ]
No, no — It's okay. I like it.
[ his hands are on hojoon's waist now, and this time when the kiss deepens he lets himself moan into it, lets himself surge into the kiss as his fingers push up fabric to find skin. he hadn't thought he'd want hojoon this much, but now that they're kissing, now that he's in his lap, now that whatever was holding him back is gone, it's intense.
he kisses hojoon a little harder. a little more demanding, but like he's giving permission. saying it's fine. it's okay. if hojoon wants to climb into his lap, kiss into his mouth, take off his clothes. all of that. it's an invitation. his hand rests at the small of his back, skin to skin. ]
[a few seconds pass between junsu saying the words and minsu lifting his head from his shoulder to look at him. he blinks a couple of times, letting that sink in.]
Can we do that?
[well, why couldn't they? it has the word 'friend' right there. minsu brightens, eyes growing wider and brighter, smiling appearing where there was no smile before. it's so easy to imagine this same reaction if junsu had asked him before.]
Oh...oh! Where should we go? Do we decide together or should I leave it up to you? I mean, yes, I'd love to!
Can we do that?
[well, why couldn't they? it has the word 'friend' right there. minsu brightens, eyes growing wider and brighter, smiling appearing where there was no smile before. it's so easy to imagine this same reaction if junsu had asked him before.]
Oh...oh! Where should we go? Do we decide together or should I leave it up to you? I mean, yes, I'd love to!
[junsu's fingers seem to grip him with every movement that puts an inch of space between them. it's surprising, and different, but only because he never resisted haneul. he gave in from the beginning, and has spent the last year convinced that it was the worst decision he'd ever made.
but it makes him feel wanted. right now, junsu makes him feel wanted, even after all of that. except he doesn't know, and he should know, and that should be a good enough reason for this not happening between them.
except a kiss like his is hard to deny. joon did better than most after the one in the kitchen, and the times after that when he wanted to do it again. hojoon breathes a curse against his lips when junsu touches his skin. and suddenly there's flames around the human's fingers. new ones are ignited everywhere that junsu touches, never burning junsu, just showing him how magical his touch really is to the kitsune.]
but it makes him feel wanted. right now, junsu makes him feel wanted, even after all of that. except he doesn't know, and he should know, and that should be a good enough reason for this not happening between them.
except a kiss like his is hard to deny. joon did better than most after the one in the kitchen, and the times after that when he wanted to do it again. hojoon breathes a curse against his lips when junsu touches his skin. and suddenly there's flames around the human's fingers. new ones are ignited everywhere that junsu touches, never burning junsu, just showing him how magical his touch really is to the kitsune.]
[ he pulls away for air long enough to notice the flames at his fingertips with each touch up along hojoon's skin, finds his eyes and gets lost in them a moment, lips reddened from kissing. he gets the message. what it means. his hand keeps moving, eyes on joon, fingers at his ribs now, at his chest, over his heart.
one hand reaches for hojoon's cheek.
this is how it feels hojoon, flames igniting at his skin. his heart is in his throat but in the best way. some wall that he kept putting up has fallen away entirely, and junsu's happy and relieved and he hopes he can know him more, better, from here. he wants that.
he kisses hojoon again, tugging at his shirt, leaning away to tug it over his head and toss it aside. he drags his hand down his chest and watches the flames and then captures hojoon's lips as his arms wind around him, pulling him tight against his lap. ]
one hand reaches for hojoon's cheek.
this is how it feels hojoon, flames igniting at his skin. his heart is in his throat but in the best way. some wall that he kept putting up has fallen away entirely, and junsu's happy and relieved and he hopes he can know him more, better, from here. he wants that.
he kisses hojoon again, tugging at his shirt, leaning away to tug it over his head and toss it aside. he drags his hand down his chest and watches the flames and then captures hojoon's lips as his arms wind around him, pulling him tight against his lap. ]
[ it's way too easy to imagine the same reaction. junsu kind of figured this would hurt but he's not really ready. good enough at lying, at pretending, to hide anything that might show on his face. he tucks it away for later, when he's alone.
he wants to be excited about this instead, he wants to make this so, so good for minsu. ]
Yeah? I'd love that too. [ he smiles, touching minsu's cheek, fixing a strand of his hair before dropping his hand. ]
We can do this however you'd like. We can pick together. Or I can decide and surprise you.
he wants to be excited about this instead, he wants to make this so, so good for minsu. ]
Yeah? I'd love that too. [ he smiles, touching minsu's cheek, fixing a strand of his hair before dropping his hand. ]
We can do this however you'd like. We can pick together. Or I can decide and surprise you.
[he'd worried that he'd be thinking of someone else. that was just one of joon's many worries, and he knew that it wouldn't be fair to junsu. he didn't want to use him that way, his respect for humans too high for it. the way he felt for junsu especially too much to allow it.
but it isn't the case. hojoon looks at junsu and sees only junsu, and later he'll feel guilt for a different reason, feel like he's betrayed someone that he loved so much. it's almost like he's looking for reasons not to be happy.
yet junsu looks at him that way with flames dancing at his fingertips, and hojoon finds himself smiling, wide and foxy and against all odds. it's almost embarrassing to have someone look at him so intensely, want him so openly. joon lifts his arms up to help him with his shirt, closing his eyes to just breathe before junsu kisses him again. before he pulls him close. he makes a sound into it, opening his eyes just enough to watch his face, his expression.]
Truth or dare. [joon mumbles before turning his head a little to kiss him from a different angle, breaking every few kisses to look at him.] Tell me what you want or dare me to do it.
but it isn't the case. hojoon looks at junsu and sees only junsu, and later he'll feel guilt for a different reason, feel like he's betrayed someone that he loved so much. it's almost like he's looking for reasons not to be happy.
yet junsu looks at him that way with flames dancing at his fingertips, and hojoon finds himself smiling, wide and foxy and against all odds. it's almost embarrassing to have someone look at him so intensely, want him so openly. joon lifts his arms up to help him with his shirt, closing his eyes to just breathe before junsu kisses him again. before he pulls him close. he makes a sound into it, opening his eyes just enough to watch his face, his expression.]
Truth or dare. [joon mumbles before turning his head a little to kiss him from a different angle, breaking every few kisses to look at him.] Tell me what you want or dare me to do it.
[ that smile takes his breath away. he thought, with how much push and pull there had been, that this might be fraught, maybe even tense. that hojoon would have to be coaxed into relaxing. into being calm. but he looks... gorgeous, and fine, and like he's happy to be doing this with him.
it's a relief. it makes junsu happy too. whatever conflict present in hojoon, he wants to soothe away. ]
You're beautiful, Joon.
[ his hands slide back down, making a grab for his ass, squeezing. he makes little sounds into every kiss, until he's giving his bottom lip a little nip. ]
Dare you to take your pants off.
it's a relief. it makes junsu happy too. whatever conflict present in hojoon, he wants to soothe away. ]
You're beautiful, Joon.
[ his hands slide back down, making a grab for his ass, squeezing. he makes little sounds into every kiss, until he's giving his bottom lip a little nip. ]
Dare you to take your pants off.
You think I'm the beautiful one?
[hojoon snorts softly, hands roaming over junsu through his shirt. it's not that he thinks of himself as unattractive, but if he's beautiful, what must junsu be? gorgeous? breathtaking? ethereal?
it all sounds about right.
joon rocks his hips against junsu's when he squeezes his ass. it feels good, it all feels good, and it's more obvious than ever that joon likes it. but the dare itself is a reminder of what's happening, how far this is going.
he hesitates.
and then decides that he can't deny junsu's request. he doesn't want to, he wants him to see him, it might be the most open he's been with him. hojoon keeps his eyes on him as he reaches down between them, unfastening his jeans before moving back to slide them down his hips, off his legs, unbothered by his own nudity.]
[hojoon snorts softly, hands roaming over junsu through his shirt. it's not that he thinks of himself as unattractive, but if he's beautiful, what must junsu be? gorgeous? breathtaking? ethereal?
it all sounds about right.
joon rocks his hips against junsu's when he squeezes his ass. it feels good, it all feels good, and it's more obvious than ever that joon likes it. but the dare itself is a reminder of what's happening, how far this is going.
he hesitates.
and then decides that he can't deny junsu's request. he doesn't want to, he wants him to see him, it might be the most open he's been with him. hojoon keeps his eyes on him as he reaches down between them, unfastening his jeans before moving back to slide them down his hips, off his legs, unbothered by his own nudity.]
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