[ kwang doesn't remove his hand, so that's a good sign. more hope. he'd like to hold onto it. so he holds onto kwang's hand.
he starts to get ready to explain why he lied, to say it's been something he's done for years now, but then he gets embarrassed, sheepish. it sounds so stupid, said like that. being worried about being second best. it isn't untrue. it's very true. but he wishes he was wiser. he wishes it was something smarter, more mature. less about being afraid he was always going to be less than ten.
there's more, too. being scared ten and kwang would eventually be exclusive, that if he kept going with kwang he would have his heart broken all over again. knowing his feelings were strong, changing, that kwang might hate him for the lie, might dislike him for being human. there was a lot, all at once.
no subject
he starts to get ready to explain why he lied, to say it's been something he's done for years now, but then he gets embarrassed, sheepish. it sounds so stupid, said like that. being worried about being second best. it isn't untrue. it's very true. but he wishes he was wiser. he wishes it was something smarter, more mature. less about being afraid he was always going to be less than ten.
there's more, too. being scared ten and kwang would eventually be exclusive, that if he kept going with kwang he would have his heart broken all over again. knowing his feelings were strong, changing, that kwang might hate him for the lie, might dislike him for being human. there was a lot, all at once.
he looks down at his feet. ]
Aren't I? He's your special person.