[ he'd kind of been asking because he thought that wasn't how joon felt, that it would put things in perspective as it had with kwang, how easily it had helped make more sense of tangled up emotions.

hojoon doesn't even hesitate. maybe that hurts even more than the answer itself. ]

I thought I... [ made it clear? obvious? obviously he's not been doing enough, not been obvious enough, not made joon feel as loved as he should. he closes his eyes. maybe if he does that it won't be obvious he wants to cry. it's not really the time, anyway.

he shakes his head. it wasn't hard when hojoon came into his life, somehow. it was the opposite. ]

No. You made it easier. Loving you makes it easier.

[ he lets go of hojoon's hand, but he's still playing with his hair, soft back and forths. ]

I don't love you less. I'm sorry if I'm not doing a good job at making you feel that.

[ he'd thought, briefly, that maybe he should do for joon what myung did for dal, but he hadn't been able to think on it for long. hadn't wanted to, because he loves kwang, and without kwang he would never have had hojoon, so losing one for the other, it didn't make sense. but maybe myung was right to do it. maybe then hojoon wouldn't feel like he only has half of junsu's love. it's hard to swallow, when he loves him this much, with everything he has, and hojoon still thinks he loves him less. ]