[he deserves this, the care, the attention. junsu's beautiful when he smiles, and he deserves all the reasons in the world to do it. hojoon is apparently one of those reasons, if tonight is true.

to be thinking of denying him those things, of actually taking those smiles away...it makes joon want to burn himself to ash for the second time in his life. and there's a limit to what he can take, and mention of round two has him stuck for a moment. he knows what junsu likes, but right now, with the thoughts that are spiraling around inside his head, it feels more like taking than giving something to him.]

I think fucking me might be a good test. [because that's different. because that's joon offering himself, knowing and wanting to do it anyway. he looks over at junsu, playing with his hair and looking at his face for his reaction.] If you're into that. It's been awhile for me, over a year. It'd be nice to feel someone again.

[in more ways than one, really.]