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i have time to give. i keep some time to myself and then time for both of them. the time for myself can go to either one of them needs it that day, or that week, or that month
if theres need for more, id be honest about it, i guess. tell them something happened and he needs me. find a compromise
if theres need for more, id be honest about it, i guess. tell them something happened and he needs me. find a compromise
[ It's possible that Kwang is a little surprised by the response. He wants Junsu to be happy and pleased, of course, but he didn't expect the tears, the overwhelming feeling that rises in his chest at hearing it.
His arms close around Junsu, pulling him closer, and he leans down to kiss Junsu's temple, a frown on his own face. ]
Are you okay? I'm sorry if it was too much.
[ Fingers rub along Junsu's back, as gentle as he can make them, his free hand cradling the back of his boyfriend's head. Junsu can probably hear how fast his heart is beating, at this point.
But he doesn't matter, right now, not when Junsu's crying. ]
His arms close around Junsu, pulling him closer, and he leans down to kiss Junsu's temple, a frown on his own face. ]
Are you okay? I'm sorry if it was too much.
[ Fingers rub along Junsu's back, as gentle as he can make them, his free hand cradling the back of his boyfriend's head. Junsu can probably hear how fast his heart is beating, at this point.
But he doesn't matter, right now, not when Junsu's crying. ]
Hey, shh, it's okay, baby.
[ well, no, it's not. myung's heart is broken and junsu would want to find the one who did this to him and ask him for answers and he's not a violent person but god, he might slap him, if he saw him right now.
he rubs his hand up and down myung's back, then brings fingers to card through his hair as he speaks to him gently. what he means is that it's okay if myung can't talk. it's okay if just needs to cry it out. ]
It's okay, you don't have to talk. [ myung is... so fragile, really. not because he's weak, but because his heart is on sleeve, even when he acts like it's not.
he doesn't like being left, and junsu understands. he would be crushed if the person he loved left without a word. he would be crushed if one day myung was just gone. it would probably ruin him.
so he has to do his best to keep this from ruining myung. ]
It's nothing you did. You're just you. Leaving — that's fucked up. Without a word? He should've said something. If it wasn't working right, he could've talked to you. So this isn't on you, okay baby?
[ well, no, it's not. myung's heart is broken and junsu would want to find the one who did this to him and ask him for answers and he's not a violent person but god, he might slap him, if he saw him right now.
he rubs his hand up and down myung's back, then brings fingers to card through his hair as he speaks to him gently. what he means is that it's okay if myung can't talk. it's okay if just needs to cry it out. ]
It's okay, you don't have to talk. [ myung is... so fragile, really. not because he's weak, but because his heart is on sleeve, even when he acts like it's not.
he doesn't like being left, and junsu understands. he would be crushed if the person he loved left without a word. he would be crushed if one day myung was just gone. it would probably ruin him.
so he has to do his best to keep this from ruining myung. ]
It's nothing you did. You're just you. Leaving — that's fucked up. Without a word? He should've said something. If it wasn't working right, he could've talked to you. So this isn't on you, okay baby?
[ It doesn't feel okay, but being here, listening to Junsu's voice, letting himself be vulnerable and sad and consoled, it helps. He's heartbroken, but he's also not alone, and he can allow himself this, for someone to help and pick up the pieces with him.
It's a new feeling, that one. Myung sighs, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes when he pulls back a little, wiping off tears as he tries to regulate his breathing a little. ]
Thing is, I don't even know what wasn't working right. I thought - I thought we were happy.
[ He blows out an explosive breath, shaking his head before he pulls his hands away from his face and looks into Junsu's eyes. Myung guesses he looks a mess, splotchy blotchy gross, his hair dark, but Junsu - Myung reaches out, presses two fingers to Junsu's jaw.
He wants to think about something else. He wants to think about the people he does still have in his life, not the ones that abandoned him. He wants to believe he can feel something else than this. ]
God, you're so beautiful.
It's a new feeling, that one. Myung sighs, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes when he pulls back a little, wiping off tears as he tries to regulate his breathing a little. ]
Thing is, I don't even know what wasn't working right. I thought - I thought we were happy.
[ He blows out an explosive breath, shaking his head before he pulls his hands away from his face and looks into Junsu's eyes. Myung guesses he looks a mess, splotchy blotchy gross, his hair dark, but Junsu - Myung reaches out, presses two fingers to Junsu's jaw.
He wants to think about something else. He wants to think about the people he does still have in his life, not the ones that abandoned him. He wants to believe he can feel something else than this. ]
God, you're so beautiful.
Maybe he was with you. But maybe something else... something else pushed him to this.
[ junsu isn't sure it's wise trying to find reason. myung is the type to think he did something wrong, and it might eat at him forever to not know, to not find out, what the final straw was for dae.
so he takes the opportunity to let him think about something else, his hand curling gently around his wrist, turning his head to press a kiss at his finger tips. ]
So are you, you know. [ yes, even splotchy and dark haired and looking a weepy mess. ]
[ junsu isn't sure it's wise trying to find reason. myung is the type to think he did something wrong, and it might eat at him forever to not know, to not find out, what the final straw was for dae.
so he takes the opportunity to let him think about something else, his hand curling gently around his wrist, turning his head to press a kiss at his finger tips. ]
So are you, you know. [ yes, even splotchy and dark haired and looking a weepy mess. ]
[ Myung can't tell yet, if it'll be something he'll keep grating at, like when you bite your cheek and you keep poking at it afterwards with your tongue. He doesn't know yet, everything too raw, too bright, for him to be able to say if the not knowing will drive him crazy, or if he'll manage to move past it.
But right now, it feels pointless to think about. It just hurts more, to keep on circling around the idea that it's his own fault, that it must be, that he must have one something wrong to push Dae away.
It's fucking useless.
What isn't useless, what feels good and warm and like all sorts of things Myung doesn't deserve, it's the way Junsu touches him, kisses him, talks about him. Myung's breath hitches, fingers twitching against Junsu's lips. ]
Sometimes I wonder what I've done to deserve someone like you in my life. You're always - so good to me.
But right now, it feels pointless to think about. It just hurts more, to keep on circling around the idea that it's his own fault, that it must be, that he must have one something wrong to push Dae away.
It's fucking useless.
What isn't useless, what feels good and warm and like all sorts of things Myung doesn't deserve, it's the way Junsu touches him, kisses him, talks about him. Myung's breath hitches, fingers twitching against Junsu's lips. ]
Sometimes I wonder what I've done to deserve someone like you in my life. You're always - so good to me.
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